NEWSDESK: 
New Zealand Chef De Mission Dave Currie outlined his plans to bring home the Haka gold medal at an awkward press conference in London overnight.
A New Zealand athlete who did not wish to be named said Currie has made himself at home in the Athletes village. “Dave’s…. you know. His ‘Barcelona 92’ training shorts have seen better days, and are a bit on the short side these days. It’s hard to get decent sleep with ‘Ka Mate Ka Mate’ coming through the wall at 4am every fucking night.”
Currie appeared unaware of any athlete unrest, or indeed that the Haka was not part of Olympic competition. “Our toughest competition will be the Aussies,” said Currie.
