| The Commonweath Games. You’d get bigger crowds if Gerry Brownlee was caught in a fisherman’s net and the contents of his belly were publicly examined.
Deadball has dismissed the event like Richard Hadlee showing a hapless batsman the way to the changing shed, and I agree, mostly. Anywhere that sevens and netball are the main attractions is a bit TV One and slippers, innit? I AM enjoying seeing little-covered sports like squash, track cycling and lawn bowls on the telly, and if I was still a sifty student I could watch Sky TV’s games mosaic for days on end, just letting the sport wash over me like Cleopatra forcing her minions to entertain her before slipping into an ass milk bath. Or something. Predictably and depressingly, we’re picking up a steady stream of silvers and bronzes and fourths. Our main medal hopes are in sports where we’re able to bully the shit out of everyone else, like sevens, netball, whatever Valerie Adams does and Who Has The Most Racist TV Presenter. We do better at the Olympics. Predictably and depressingly, the Australians are cleaning up. Sure, they don’t look happy about it, sporting surly scowls like 12 year old being made to attend their weird cousin’s 21st, and in protest, have developed the most startling innovation of the games – winning, then giving the officials the fingers. |
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Think of how many giving-the-officials-the-fingers opportunities have been missed through the years. |
| Dubbed Fingari Kari, it’s the ultimate self-foot-shooting when you’re a few seconds away from collecting the medal and being carried back to the games village on the shoulders of your team mates, towing a box of condoms on wheels. It’s brilliant. And bizarre – what goes through an athlete’s mind? Apart from ‘fuck this shit’.
I kind of hope for Delhi’s sake that Delhi can somehow turn these games around (and this could only be achieved by introducing surprise events like ‘Who can park a car on Prince Phillip the most accurately’ and ‘10000 metre Queen annoying’). Otherwise, the only bright spot for residents who’ve had to make room in their city for pushy sports parents toting inexplicable lanyards, camcorders and shitty attitudes is that they’ve rung the deathknell for an outdated institution that’s been overtaken by, well, pretty much any sporting event that’s not called ‘the Commonwealth Games’. |
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Can Delhi turn these games around with new events ‘Who can park a car on Prince Phillip the most accurately?’ and ‘10000 metre Queen annoying’ |
