Black Caps coaching – Star Wars quiz

The Black Caps’ coaching-set up isn’t that clear – new coach Mark Greatbach gets to advise on team selection, while Dan has final say, and while Dan’s in charge on the field, Mark helps out with batting and gives interviews, but only if Dan’s not around… it’s more complicated than Tony Greig using his hotel swipe card after a hard evening’s awards ceremony.

In order to poll the Cricket public’s understanding, presents a pop quiz, using 1977’s Star Wars as a model for a modern international Cricket coaching.

Is the Black Caps’ coaching set up more like:

Option A: C3PO and R2D2


C3PO is the kind of droid that emails Health & Safety to see if he’s allowed to use the Millenium Falcon’s toilet – you can trust his advice, but you really want to be wearing your ipod if you’re sat beside him waiting to bat.

R2 has a working relationship with C3PO, but he’s definitely his own droid. He thinks fast and gets results, and that’s what gets him loaded into an X-Wing to help blow up the fucking Death Star.

Option B: Ben ‘Obi Wan’ Kenobi and Luke Skywalker

Luke looks up to Ben, but concerns remain he might pick up bad habits from Han Solo, journeyman pro from the Corellia country scene.

Ben’s been pretty handy with a bat over the years, and has been on all the big tours. What he lacks in footwork these days, he makes up in mind games and getting in his opponent’s head. Superb facial hair. He’s keen to do some mentoring with the up and comers.

Option C: Darth Vader and Admiral Motti

Mark: Don’t try to frighten us with your sorcerous ways, Lord Vettori. Your sad devotion to backing away and cutting may have worked against a popgun Pakistan attack, but is it clairvoyance enough against the Australi….

Mark: *choking noises*

Dan: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Share your answer in the comments.

Author: Richard Irvine

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5 thoughts on “Black Caps coaching – Star Wars quiz”

  1. Yeah, I had a Han / Chewie example, but didn’t use it – I bow to the wisdom of the crowd though. Chewbacca would be a nightmare to share a dressing room with though, he’d be always pinching your deep heat, I bet.

    JarJar is John Bracewell, just FYI.

  2. No need to bring JarJar in to the mix we’re talking the original star wars 1977 version. Yep Han and Chewie are the closest to the Mark. Although McCullum probably bats just like Han Solo would have. At a pinch Taylor could be Skywalker but he’s not enough of a try hard. The rest of the team are really just rebel scum (read bit part extras) that get mowed down on the way to the Death Star.

  3. Damn it! Someone beat me to the Han/Chewie analogy! Although I wasn’t prepared to go so far as to call McCullum Artoo, i was leaning more towards Boba Fett – the ruthless mercenery… The real question is, who is Jarjar? Grant Elliot has an elongated neck, and his interviews are always really annoying to watch. Also, where do John Wright and Justin Vaughan fit into this?

  4. I reckon Chewy (Greatbatch) and Han (Vettori) – which I think sits between B and C. Everyone says a Wookie would be handy in a scrap, but you never really see it. He only flys the Falcon when Han has more important things to do – like shooting down Empire fighters. Ultimately, Han and his blaster always have the last say, while Chewy does a lot of putting his hands on his head and growling from the passanger seat.

    I also suggest that makes Taylor Skywalker and the rest of Black Caps test top order Leia (always in need of rescue).

    I can go further…Guptill (C3PO), McCullum (R2D2) etc etc.

    But back to Han and Chewy. It would be good if at the first team meeting under the new regime Vettori had informed the top order that Greatbatch would rip their arms out of their sockets if they lose.

    Ryder – Jubba, or is that just mean?

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