NEWSDESK: In an unexpected move, outspoken New Zealand Herald writer Chris Rattue has been selected at Number 8 for the first test against France.
After spitting out his Weet Bix while reading Rattue’s article “Worst All Black side of modern era“, Graham Henry got on the phone. “We see Chris as quality cover for our injury crisis. I’d also love to see the look on that desk jockey’s face when Chabal gets hold of him.”
The journalist, one of the current All Black coaching staff’s harshest critics, learned of his call up while out shopping at a K Road bakery and fried chicken outlet.
“I took the call on the mobile, and thought it was one of the boys having me on – I wound up telling Graham to ‘piss up a rope, fuckstick!’ He saw the funny side after ringing me back.”
At a particularly awkward press conference, Rattue highlighted his Rugby career, consisting mainly of a local First XV wrecking his parents’ house during a party one time. He did share detail of his recent training regime, made up of walking, not driving, the 150m to the video shop.
Brilliant, Rich. You shouldn’t have hidden this from me.
Rattue picks Mils at centre, but I think Rattue could slot in there easily enough. Centre is all about communication and bullshitting your way out of tight situations, both things that Rattue has made his ‘career’.
The real test will come when he has to play against his beloved Robbie Deans’ Wallabros team.
12 Jun 09 at 11:27 am
Actually, could Alan Jones play for the Wallabros and Stephen Jones play for England?
It could be an ELV, every team needs a crap journo in their team.
12 Jun 09 at 11:28 am
[...] 2009 posts: Bowling through Wexford, Dan drops himself, Fight Club Duos, Keith Quinn on Twitter, Rattue joins the All Blacks, Tua / Cameron fight move, Bloggers at the [...]
sport review · Kicking 2009 when it’s down
12 Jan 10 at 10:05 pm
[...] finals, build up, or game, I’m just going to lazily make up some bullshit untruths a la Chris Rattue and accuse the Worriers of just not having the top 2 inches or the ticker to win big game rugby [...]
Fuckity Fuck fuck fuckity fuck | dejod
4 Oct 11 at 12:31 pm