A Waikato University study has found Mark Ellis reinforces traditional male chauvinist attitudes to women. I’ve found that most of the time he reinforces being a cock.
Depressingly, every third NZ male wants to be Mark Ellis. Here’s how:
1. Make sure you went to Otago Uni in the early 90’s. Sorry, ‘Tago.
2. Get naked a lot and run really fast. It doesn’t matter where, but make sure you get it on tape.
3. Have a troupe of no-names tagging along to laugh at everything you do as though their lives depend on it. See also: Knoxville, Johnny.
4. Spend your journey to work working on your eyebrow raises.
5. Go on TV drunk, that shit is HALARIOUS.
6. Make some extremely unusual choices with your facial hair and clothing.
7. For a signature move, say something unintelligable and then clench your jaw, combined with the eyebrow raise. Don’t say anything after that. The public laps that shit right up.
8. Don’t be as clever, or as good a bloke, as Ric Salizzo.
9. Interestingly, take drugs with all your celebrity mates.
10. Go to league and be shit.