The gravel in your sporting ice cream.
Because Spurs Are On Their Way To Wembley, we feature Super Tottenham’s greatest musical moments eva.
Ossie’s Dream features a bewildered Argentinian trying to say Tottenham and failing at 1’55”
Glen n Chris channel Crockett n Tubbs. Badly.
Paul Gasgoine puts on the world’s dodgiest shell suit, rides about on a boat and winds up in the Bigg Market. All to sing a truely appalling song. These guys must be gutted.
Bonus – Gazza gives the best post match interview ever, not long after he did this.
Roy Keane scares the living shit out of a press gallery. He’s just doing it for fun now.
Steve Waugh, another scary look master, makes direct contact with batsman’s head using a ball. Watch it in slo mo, look how QUICKLY he gets over causing harm to his opponent, and instead, gets into pissed-off, hands-on-fucking-hips stance. You could tell early he was destined for Australian captaincy greatness, this one.
Required reading: Bike Snob NYC takes down ‘fixie’ ‘riding’, ‘cockle’ ‘eating’, ’boutique’ ‘beer’ ‘drinking’ Brooklyn hipsters with the cool calm brutal accuracy of John Wayne nailing a prowler’s nuts with his foot.
Chris Waddle was a Tottenham hero, and much like sportreview at subfootball, has still got it.
Doing a half-arsed wrap up of the year is becoming a tradition here on sportreview – here’s 2009.
If there was one week that summed up 2009 for me, it was seeing the All Blacks *cook* with Italy’s Next Top Model contestants in Milan in the most embarrassing and wooden photo op since Don Brash walked the plank, before our second string players participated in a shitty, shitty match at the San Siro, deeply marred by some shocking officiating from an experienced ref trying to enforce god knows what version of the rulebook is on top of the pile. Any Italians unfamiliar with Rugby watching the match would have found the oval ball code as appealing as toenail ravioli.
Earlier that day, New Zealand qualified for the Football World Cup in front of a crowd wholeheartedly supporting their team.
I don’t want to get into a Rugby v Football debate (although I think the nation’s office kitchens are going to be ringing with that mid year), but I really wish the first of these scenarios was more like the second – clear rules, supporting and having fun, and winning. That would do nicely.
Here’s my year, in sport, in sportreview.net.nz and for me.
2009: big sport stuff
All Whites making the World Cup finals
All of a sudden it’s 1982 again. I’m sure I’m not the only one who this qualification kind of sneaked up on. I wasn’t paying that close attention to the qualifiers, and then suddenly we were two games away, and the whole country was going All Whites crazy and calling it ‘Football’. Wonders never cease. For a country used to grim, po-faced ‘support’ of its Rugby heroes, where Grizz Wylie’s statuesque pose when watching matches is seen as a model for manhood everywhere, not, perhaps more appropriately, something to lean on to keep warm, the Latin explosion of noise and color in the Caketin that night could change our country’s sporting landscape forever. Could. Anyway. We really have something to look forward to this year. Leg Break or ‘lucky git’ as he’s known around here, will be our man in the Guardian’s Fan thingo.
Black Caps
Can’t I just skip this? Andy Moles was out faster than a sneaky fart in a meeting room, and suddenly Dan is player, captain, coach, selector and god knows what else – we would be deeply fucked if we lost him at the moment. We got a little taste of how un-fucked we are without Shane Bond in Dunedin before going back to being just fucked without him. Everything in my July 2008 Black Caps coach application still applies – we need two things – 1. John Wright and 2. a plan.
Chiefs make the Super 14 Final
Not sure how they got on after that, ah har har
The All Blacks.
We’re still South Africa’s bitches, but how long they can continue a coaching panel the equivalent of a Benny Hill chase scene, I don’t know. I only got to one match, the bitter bitter disappointment in Hamilton. NZ’s other national sport of kicking the All Blacks when they’re down is still alive and well. To me, there wasn’t a lot of difference between the way we played on the end of year tour and in the Tri Nations, it’s just we executed better, and playing against poorer quality sides up north would have helped. It’s still not going well, though, is it? The All Blacks’ 2011 preparations (and make no mistake, it’s ALL about 2011) is still in the ‘Hey! Let’s build a waterfront stadium!’ phase. Must try harder.
New Zealand cyclists kick the world’s arse
New Zealand cyclists had 15 world titles this year, and just this week, up and comer Jack Bauer outsprinted Tour De France riders Hayden Roulston and Julian Dean to win the national Road Race title. We’ve got cycling talent coming out our ears, and it’s looking all on on the track and the road for the Commonwealth Games and the Olympics. Pro wise, this year’s Tour De France should be a ripper, with Alberto v Lance and the new Brit Sky team. Can’t wait.
2009: sportreview.net.nz related highlights
Stalkipedia
I really enjoyed putting this together, there’s some great stuff in here, but NOT ENOUGH! I’m still accepting stalks team.
L&P take down
I wish more companies would piss me off so I could do This Kind Of Thing more often.
Podcasting
This is a lot of fun, and something I’m keen to do more of, if I can find a decent place to record them. The fist few have a certain charm, but the French preview one is where it hits its stride
I won a copy of JRod’s first book
Best 2009 posts: Bowling through Wexford, Dan drops himself, Fight Club Duos, Keith Quinn on Twitter, Rattue joins the All Blacks, Tua / Cameron fight move, Bloggers at the Basin,
Best 2009 cartoons: Player Power, Dingo + shark, SuperDobbers, 18 and life to go,
Tech Talk with Phil Waugh – secretly probably my favorite thing I’ve done all year. Too weird?
2009: Rocking my world
Getting MySky
I CANNOT emphasise enough how much arse MySky kicks. Having long sent the VCR to the downstairs storage of doom, the ability to quickly ‘tape’ anything on a whim has changed my and sportreviewloveinterest’s lives. As a sport blogger, this means I can actually WATCH SPORT again – imagine that! It also means I can fast forward through the weather for the South Island – this makes me very happy indeed.
Starting a tumblr is a pretty low hassle way to make a neat site, and a great way to find new links and photos.
New Bike – conquered some sweet hills on this already.
Top 5 tracks in last.fm
1. The Kinks – This Time Tomorrow
2. Beck – Sing It Again
3. Ben Kweller – Thirteen
4. Harry Nilsson – Turn On Your Radio
5. The Velvet Underground – I Found a Reason
Film
In The Loop, Avatar 3D. I didn’t see many movies released in 2009 this year.
Books
Pathetic effort reading wise this year, due to watching too much iPod TV on the bus. I loved White Teeth and Cannery Row, while Man In Full made me very frustrated. Sport-wise, it was Summer 0f 49 and Tana‘s Up Close, continuing the All Black tradition of mildly revelatory bios after they’re safely retired.
So, another year down. I hope you all are enjoying the site, I really enjoy your comments and having some larfs, especially on the twitter. My personal sporting highpoint this year is watching sportreview jr, who’s 19 months now, kick a ball – he hits it hard. He’s going to break the back of some poor unsuspecting net one day.
Related: best of 2008, best of 2006 one, two
For footballers, scoring an own goal is a joyless kick in the balls. But if, like me, you’re very easily amused, joyless kicks in the balls can keep you occupid most of the afternoon.
This keeper was busy breakdancing when picking the ball up was the better option.
I’ll never get sick of seeing one of George Graham’s back four lob one in from 30 yards. With bonus dodgy keeper.
This is just art, Popovich should be proud of his excellent finish here.
Face goal. Perfect.
Didier Drogba got a smug rebuke from the studio for throwing his Champions League toys out. Shaq also does this kind of thing.
Commentators can swear like a political gallery hack getting it stuck in their fly – exhibit A, Exhibit B and the master, Alan Partridge.
However, Bobby Knight is the daddy of sporting swearing, whether he’s disappointed, or golfing. He can even soulfully reflect on his favorite word.
The Guardian has a list of six JFK moments, the ones so significant that the where-you-were and the who-you-were-with is tattooed (JFK moments are often painful) permanently on your brain.
So what are New Zealand sport’s JFK moments? Here’s a few to get started, and where I was at the time; get into the comments and tell me what I’ve missed.
1930 Phar Lap wins the Melbourne Cup – not born
1956 All Blacks beat South Africa: “I’m absolutely buggered!” – not born
1960 – Peter Snell wins in Rome – as above
1983 Graham Thorne presents the Cricket from Australia with a perm – watching sportreview sr. pissing himself laughing, not fully understanding what a girlyman ex-All Black Thorne was making of himself on the national box with this unexpected, bold hairstyle choice
1985 Coney and Chatfield hold out Pakistan at Carisbrook – bouncing up and down on the couch in Hamilton, about as excited as a 12 year old could be
1995 “The America’s Cup is now New Zealand’s cup” – down at the Viaduct, in its pre-Viaduct incarnation at 8am on a Sunday morning, with half of Auckland, seemingly
1999 The greatest fucking Rugby comeback of all time – in a Cricklewood flat in cloud of stunned silence with a mate. We didn’t go to the pub to watch, assuming we’d be there next week for the final. I’d spent about eight months talking the All Blacks and their ‘fast, mobile’ pack up to work colleagues. The croissant on my desk on Monday bought a lump to my throat
2006 Tana Umanga’s handbag goes for twenty odd grand on TradeMe – at my desk, head in hands, rocking gently back and forth
Keano is a big sportreview favorite, for his Apocalypse Now style tacking, terrifying glower and for telling Mick McCarthy to ‘stick his world cup up his bollocks’, in an anatomically impossible yet impassioned outburst.
Here he is, aged 12, making a very nasty tackle, and here he is methodically settling a grudge that burned like deep heat in his undies for. Never mind starting an argument in an empty house, Keano can do it in the sanctum of the player’s tunnel.
Even as a manager, he’s an angry man, but I’m sure he’d know when to put an arm around a player.
For further Keano reading, here’s an amazing interview with Tom Humphries, who also covers Keane in his fantastic book Laptop Dancing Nanny Goat Mambo. Recommended.
No proper links this Friday, team, but this should keep you going.
Tiger Woods, World’s Best Golfer™ never shies away from earning shitloads of cash flogging Rolexes, Private Jets or have you – at least he *can* do it with some style if he wants to.
No shit guy Lance Armstrong, too, is big on endorsements. Yes, he’s an incredible rider, but bringing dead Elephants back to life is a bridge too far, surely.
Shane Warne has joined the Cricket greats in endorsing hair growth snake oil, and has worked in an office, but just look what the mother of his children has been reduced to.
And of course, the South Africans do TV spots as boringly efficiently as they beat All Black sides. Hilarious.