Selector Vettori drops himself

NEWSDESK: New Black Caps selector and captain Dan Vettori has stunned team mates by benching himself for the second test in Sri Lanka, saying he’d given himself a wake up call and hopes he responds to the challenge.

“Telling myself I wasn’t playing was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, yeah. In fairness to Dan I took it well, and promised to impress myself in the nets. I want to make it hard for me to to leave me out of the next test. I’ve given myself a list of things to work on – line, length, when to leave outside off, cracking my knuckles the whole fucking time… It’s up to Dan now.”

Coach Andy Moles supported Vettori’s decision. “Dan knows what makes Dan tick, whether he responds to open and frank feedback or an arm around the shoulder from himself. He’d probably use a mirror to do that.” Team mate Ross Taylor backed his captain, saying he was confident Vettori knew what he was doing, going by the amount of time he spent talking to himself.

Former player Martin Crowe warned that swinging the axe on himself could send Vettori into his shell: “I Hope Dan Knows What He’s Doing – He Has To Eat Breakfast And Share A Room With Himself. That’s A Lot Of Time. Lot Of Time. Man Gets Crazy On His Own.” Crowe spent the next two minutes staring far, far into the distance before adding “Holy Cow”.

However Vettori was at pains to leave all communication channels open, saying “My door is always open to me if there’s anything I want to discuss.”