The gravel in your sporting ice cream.
Stalking fans might be interested in this snap of me with Cambridge’s favorite rowers Caroline and Georgina Evers-Swindell, who made it two Olympic golds in a row (geddit?) on Saturday night. You can click the picture to make it bigger. No, I don’t know which one is which(!).
sportreview.net.nz made its long awaited* debut on the radio today on National Radio’s Mediawatch show, weighing in on TV One’s Olympic commentary efforts.
Here’s the show (links to MP3), I come on at 7’55”.
*this bit’s not actually true.
How do you feel?
Well, one of my nuts popped out at the 500 metre mark – I had to do the last K and a half with lefty chaffing the seat. The skin in that area’s pretty raw and I’m fairly sure it’s sunburnt, too. I’m in a great deal of pain and I can’t walk in a straight line. I’ll probably vomit if I see another oar.
Hey! You’re in Bejing! It must feel great to be here!
14 million people live in this city. That’s 7 million women. Seven. Million. Plus, you can get Tiger Balm at every single dairy.
You did a personal best, but still missed out on the final! Isn’t that gutting?
Not as gutted as I was when some ass-clown finished the peanut butter at breakfast. COME ON! Just a bit of common fucking decency is all it takes. I’m looking at those Equestrian assholes. It’ll be tally-fuckin’-ho if I catch them. I mean it.
It must be a great honor to be out here representing New Zealand?
I’m South African.
Have you got anything to say to the family back home? I’m sure they’re watching.
I just wanna say to my partner Sarah, I love you. Mmmmm-mmmm. But baby, I’m a man. A man needs to relax sometimes, living in that village, with all those… athletes. I’m just saying. Nothing to worry about. Just think of my gold medal dreams. Our gold medal dreams.
SRPA: The Rugby League world was rocked today by 5 seconds of silence from Brisbane Rugby League commentator Dickie “Barracuda” McDagstead. A full 5 seconds’ silence went to air on McDagstead’s watch during the weekend’s Roosters v Broncos match, each second a bombshell to the heart of the proud winter code.
League fans wasted no time lighting up talkback switchboards in disgust. “I had no idea if this encounter was bruising, epic, or just plain huge.” said Broncos fan “Stumpy” Hodges, speaking from the East Brisbane RSL. “I mean, there were things happening, and they weren’t being described in unnecessarily intricate detail. Where was the big call? Where? I’ve never been so scared”.
Retired commentary great Roy “Boomer” Stretchtrouser lamented the modern commentator’s lack of standards, pointing to his 53 year career of uninterrupted incomprehensible drivel. “This Wouldn’t Have Happened in My Day. I Was Being Shelled By Japanese Subs Moored In Sydney Harbor, And Still Shouted ‘Jenkins-Barrington’ 34 Times During A Runaway Intercept Try. These Cowboys Today Have No Idea.”
McDagstead, who may be in breach of his contract with Channel 9, apologised immediately, admitting a dropped sausage roll played a key role in Silencegate. “I Took My Eye Off The Ball” said McDagstead. “Ohhhhhhhhhhh, It’s A Tragedy.”
The Something Awful goons are getting behind Hockey Scores, a cacophony of bleating, crying, and drums that sound like something Chris Knox would make when he came home pissed, voting it to become the theme for A Big Serious Hockey Program – and the hockey fans aren’t happy.
This kind of thing is, of course, brilliant, and should be encouraged in this country.
Can Piswiddle win the ashes? – Mitchell and Webb cricketing stupidity ahoy
Some guy wandering around booting footballs into places he shouldn’t, brilliantly.
Little Gary Neville takes life awfully seriously – here he is refusing to shake hands with old mate Peter Schmichael, who went to play for the other guys. He doesn’t look too bothered, though.
Photoshop comp – Unpopular movie-based video games. Har.
Some tennis guy kills a pigeon. Turns out one of the players is part of the scientologists’ avian wing. Bet he wishes he had Tom Cruise’s number now.
From their mad-eyebrowed coach to Tierry Henry, France were crapper than sandpaper undies at Euro 2008. Even their coach driver was woeful.
Here’s a great list of 100 things to love about sport. Baz McCullum gets a mention, but they’re awfully rude about the All Blacks. Strangely, hearing “Why does love do this to me” at 110db at a Rugby match isn’t there – must be #101?
Those American elections go on a bit, eh? This is much better.
The 17th at Sawgrass is the famous Island Green – given the chance, I’d make a complete hash of it I reckon – kind of like this guy.
After football on a Saturday, I’m often parked up in front of TV3’s three (three!) fishing shows waiting for the cramps to kick in – The ITM Fishing Show is definitely the best, new episodes are on now.
Some League guy kicks a goal. Is this news? He’s a prop, so yeah.
Bugger GTA IV – did you know it came out originally on the NES? I’m still stuck somewhere in between San Fierro and Las Venturas in GTA San Andreas.
The Kiwis talk victory chances.
Kiwis rookies Isaac Luke, Setimata Sa and Jason Nightingale feel light thrashing best case scenario.
Kangaroos: Daggy uniforms biggest barrier to victory.
Wayne Bennett – easily distracted.