Author: Richard Irvine

Welcome to sportreview.net.nz - here's a bit about the site. Here I am on Twitter, or email me at richard (at) richardirvine dot com.

More teams and more games make ANYTHING better!

A Mormon missionary stands at your door and enthuses about an expanded Super 14 to establish rapport.

G’day my main mate.

Did you hear? 18 teams in the Super 14. No bull-pucky. You gotta hand it to the Rugby Union – there’s nothing can’t be made better with more teams and more games. Eh. That total entertainment package just got WAY more sick.

I mean, take the Super 12. I loved it. I LOVED IT! But a man soon got to thinking if, say, the Hurricanes could beat Perth. At Rugby. Or, how New South Wales would handle a composite team drawing its players from the Free State and Northern Cape Provinces. And whaddayaknow, SANZAR came to the party. Me and my buddies settled a few bets, lemme tell ya.

And the Tri-Nations? More games means more EXTREME. Yeah! Mate.

Look at Baseball, that’s like, 160 games a year. You could have a Super 160. Imagine the Hastings Razorbacks’ rush defence facing off with the Tamworth Rhinestones’ back row. Woah. Mate. Rugby Union in your face once again.

Back at the dorm, Elder Barry says a Super 18 is a poke in the eye of all right thinking Rugby fans, possibly the most moronic move ever, and it makes him want to start watching ‘poofball’, whatever that is.

I say – gimme five! Or gimme 18, if that was anatomically possible. Eh.

Links on Friday

Remember that time Cullen lost the ball over the line? At least he’s not this guy.  He knows, even in mid-air, the people in green inflatable hats are going to be very disappointed with him. The words you, utter, utter and penis spring to mind

There’s little doubt Peter Schmeichel is a deeply complicated man – amazing saves one minute, hilarious Manc-accented rapping about bacon with, bizarrely, a Robert Palmer-style entourage the next

That insane-jumpered Nelson Bays guy gets bowled over. He knows he’ll never hear the end of it from the instant it happens. He’s smiling, but he’s not happy

Holy. Crap. Cup stacking is fully my new favorite sport

2008’s ‘Better people make better All Blacks’ workshops

Fashion 101: Beyond the polo shirt

‘Staying humble on six figures’ Workshop

XBox Fit

The leadership group – 10 reasons they’re not out to get you

Why you can eye-gouge All Blacks in the Super 14, but not in the breakfast queue Q+A

Clinic: Sobbing quietly on the bench away from the camera’s prying eyes

You’re no Carlos:  Appreciating the short back ‘n’ sides with Grant Fox

Links on Friday

Having grown up near Te Rapa Straight, one of our great impromptu race-tracks I can confirm that the ‘Tron is NZ’s rightful home of barely-legal street car action, so it’s only fair to hand the mean streets over to the pros for the weekend. Good luck to everyone heading to the V8s, and go the Chiefs

Everyone remembers that Colombian goalkeeper’s Scorpian save at Wembley – but can you score like that? Bloody oath

Alex Higgins is Snooker’s George Best, with outrageous talent at sport and the booze

Southampton turn into Brazil all of a sudden and Kev scores a wonder-goal – only to be ruled out. Robbed

Mitchell and Webb are really funny

Links on Friday

Who doesn’t love own goals? Lee Dixon’s was number one with me for a long time, but now, there’s a new own goal sheriff in town – what a beauty. Fully THREE head in hands, and TWO knee sinks from the scorers’ team-mates. Magic

When ball-boys attack

Soupy Norman is a dodgy Polish soap dubbed over by Irish comedians – yes, it’s that good

You want bacon? Then how about a Bacon Cheese Baconburger? Breakfast, lunch and dinner would be nice

All Black World Cups in six words

Sportsfreak and the Dropkicks are all over six word stories. Let it never be said sportreview.net.nz is afraid of borrowing others’ ideas, so here’s my six word stories of New Zealand’s Rugby World Cup campaigns.

1987 – Kirwin beats fifteen. Win, never again.

1991 – Grizz and Hart – who’d have thought?

1995 – Lomu! Lomu! Don’t drink the coffee!

1999 – Adidas, painted jet, fail to ease pain.

2003 – Can Carlos take his chance? No.

2007 – Rest, reconditioning and rotation really wrong.

Links on Friday

Pure gold from Pulp Sport – Chris Martin (test average 2.55) brings you his Learn to Bat dvd. He’s just so serious.

Smug Shots is people, usually pissed, going up to footballers, usually in a bar or airport, and having their photo taken. That reminds me, I must dig out that photo of me with Glenn Osbourne.

Let’s face it – ten pin bowling isn’t cool, unless you’re The Dude. It’s all corporate team building and weird shoes smelling of watered down disinfectant and that. If I was going have a go, though, I’d be wanting to do something like this.

If you’re like me and spend all day in an office, you may enjoy Whack Your Boss. Disclaimer – I don’t want to whack MY boss. Annoy – yes. Whack – No.

Paris-Roubaix wrecks men and bikes

The Classics season of one day races is underway in Europe, with the Paris-Roubaix coming up next weekend. Paris-Roubaix is dubbed ‘the hell of the north’, lasting 260KM over several sections of cobblestones, with mud spraying in the rider’s faces all day. It’s as much a test of equipment as heart, with modern roadbikes and tyres struggling to stay in one piece on the cobbles.

Check out this video of Lance Armstrong’s then-Discovery team mate George Hincape’s attempt to win the 2002 Paris-Roubaix against four riders from the rival Domo team (thanks, Belgium Knee Warmers).

Sounds great, huh? Wouldn’t mind getting up at some godforsaken hour to check it out, huh? Sky have four sport channels, they must have SOME kind of coverage, huh?

Youtube it is, then.