Warriors launch Roller Coaster Of Emotions, scale back Rugby League

NEWSDESK: Warriors fans can now experience the highs and crushing, crushing lows of League  on the Bunco Piping Solutions Roller Coaster Of Emotions, officially launched at Sunday’s match.

Fans arrived at the stadium to be greeted by drummers, booming music and cheerleaders, before being loaded onto Warriors Wagons and taking a ride into the sporting future. “This ride’s a grassroots amusement park entertainment package that’ll blow New Zealand away” said Marketing Manager Dan ‘3G’ Mann. “Bring the whole family – show your Warriors support by going around and around and around!” The $63.00 ride features:

  • interviews and make up tips with Ropo and Stephen McIvor in the queue
  • a dizzying switchback from Jaws Of Victory to Jaws Of Defeat
  • a trip past a towering Steve Price head replica that chants ‘Pricey’ with moving mechanical jaw and eyes that light up
  • a mind-numbing winter losing streak simulator with driving hail, frostbitten fingers and 125  db Costo voice over
  • ‘The Comeback’, a caged Warriors’ great making an emotional return to Mount Smart. Player refreshes each fortnight
  • Mad Butcher / Meat Cleaver chamber of horrors Halloween special
  • waving big flags

Mann explained:  “We’re competing for people’s entertainment dollars, and the roller coaster means a consistent match day experience like never before. In fairness, we can see it eliminating the need for the Rugby League arm of our business altogether.”

Overseas clubs have already been in touch to swap notes with the Auckland franchise. The Gold Coast Titans have opened talks to play their home games at MovieWorld, and Manchester United are developing the ‘Alex Fergusson Red Face of Rage Roller Ride” behind their Old Trafford base.

Incredibly Profitable League

– I’m officially getting behind the Royal Bangalore Challengers. I didn’t really follow the IPL last year, so no doubt someone’s going to tell me they’re the Yankees or  Man Utd of the competition, but if Jesse and Ross are playing, that’s good enough for me.

– Still, there were no early Black Cap fire works this year. Oram top scored for the Kiwis with eight, while Jesse and Taylor got ducks. Jake did do a great job with the dog, though.

– JRod has kindly previewed all the teams so I didn’t have to – here’s his Royals run-down.

–  sportreview.net.nz’s IPL t-shirts are still available and taking up valuable hall space I usually use for trips to the loo and emergency exits and that. Buy Now.

Everybody loves Kev

There’s been precious little Kevin Keegan in these parts lately. I’m putting that right with a bit of gibberish from the lengthy KK page on my new favorite site, Danger Here. Bear  in mind he’s being questioned about the transfer window:

“Well, that’s like asking me who is on my Christmas card list. I sit down with the wife and I say ‘Did they send us one last year or this year’, and if they haven’t we rip the name up and throw it in the bin. But then, a couple of days after Christmas the card might arrive late so we do a card for them on the 28th and date it the 22nd and send it off and hope they don’t notice…I haven’t a clue what I’m talking about.”

Imagine him and Stu Wilson having a chat. Here’s Kev on a bike:

Links on Friday

“He’s thirteen, well done” – I’m downgrading my opinion of Michael Owen from boring to utter twat

Vijay Singh makes the most incredible ‘I’m going to go ahead and skip this one across the lake’ hole in one EVER, then wanders off

Everyone loves playing Jenga at the beach, but these nerds have added some impressive firepower

Ace Hockey goal – never thought I’d write those words, team

KP’s coming home

Laurence Booth summarises just what Kevin Pieterson is up against in the South African IPL jaunt.

In the two weeks he’s there he’ll match wits with ex-best mate Shane Warne and his England team-mate / power-struggle nemesis Andrew Fintoff, and will captain Boucher and Kallis, who’d probably rather KP played international Cricket for South Africa.

Add in that the expat is as popular as a punch in the nuts in the Republic, where crowds aren’t renowned for subtlety (nice work Richie, BTW). He’s up against it – his planned jaunt through the exotic sub continent, before collecting US $1.55M has a very different look now, not that it will bother this supremely confident Cricketer. It’s a little known fact (to me, anyway. Ahem) that Pieterson has only three 5os from 29 attempts in T20, a poor return for a guy who’s made for the Ramones form of the game. He should do better than that at home.