Author: Richard Irvine

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If you’re going to get flogged, get flogged in style

Me no blog much lately. New baby and all that.

Tell ya what though, it’s great for watching sport. Unless that sport is cricket. Here’s Kevin Pietersen making Scott Styris look like a one dimensional medium pace journeyman who’s retired from all non-pyjama cricket in a ‘come get me’ shout to any cashed-up Indian league after a one dimensional medium pace journeyman. At least ‘Scotty’ isn’t the first he’s done it to.

And hey, cruising youtube I stumbled on this guy – he does Macca’s Warney stance and captain Dan’s pull and cut shots. It’s brilliant – and handily, 2 minute’s distraction from the fact we’re getting flogged at any and every format going. If we had a hit against England at the local indoor cricket centre, we’d be leaving with tails between legs. It’s bloody depressing. I even found myself reading Adam Parore and silently nodding, for god’s sake. Yes, it’s that bad.

What’s the solution? Fark knows. Hopefully once the wee man (he looks like a batsman,  not like the old man) settles in a bit, a bit more smart arse-bloggery will help a bit. Righto.

Links on Friday

Some good ol’ boys win some Ice Hockey trophy, then break it. They’ll have to pay for that out of their own money, I’d say

Gotta say, serial killers methodically going through teenagers at lakes and undead janitors existing largely in people’s dreams were much, much bigger for me growing up than Michael Jordan – and now Jason and Freddy have their own shoes. I’d like some Sean Of The Dead ones, please

Now that I notice, this is an alcoholic lager beer – 10%! Blimey! That’s quite a lot, isn’t it?

We’ve Been Planning This Sepia Wild West Family Portrait Too Long For You To Mess It Up. Har – You will honor your family holding a pose where you’re looking at your younger sister—who will be dressed as a dancing girl whether she likes it or not—in a respectful, yet slightly randy fashion.

Europe has developed Howlett’s drinking game

SRPA: Former All Black Doug Howlett has admitted his move to Munster has added an edge to his drinking. “At home we’d have a few quiets three, four times per season, max. In Ireland, we’re totally arseholed three times a week. It’s a numbers game.” Howlett is impressed at European player’s dedication to getting troppo. “They’re total pros, mate. It starts with a couple of cans in the carpark before training, and next thing you’re in the nightclub at 2am wearing just your club tie. I had a lot to learn.”

Howlett feels he was singled out for special attention early on, but says it’s developed him as a player. “They were sticking Vodka in my Murphy’s, making me skull for drinking with my left hand, throwing me through windows, you name it. I had the big reputation, being an All Black and jumping on that BMW, but I still had heaps to learn. It’s made me a more rounded drinker, alright.”

Howlett harbours strong views on this country’s player drain. “We’re New Zealanders – we’ve grown up with being chased, held down and forced to do a yardy in the club rooms. That’s what’s made us great, but there’s definitely room for Rugby OEs. Take Dan Carter. Can’t handle his piss. He needs a couple of years of grateful rich businessmen buying him brandy and wine skulls under his belt. He’ll become one of the greats, and he’ll bring that knowledge home.”

Howlett strongly advocates relaxing rules around overseas players. “We’re pros. We can stick away dozens of miniature Johnny Walkers on the flight, get off the plane and play Hawke’s Bay in the NPC. That experience rubs off. Don’t get me wrong, guys in Europe aren’t spewing out the same coach windows and pissing on the same bars every week and getting stale. One week it’s Guiness in Dublin, next it’s Beaujolais bar brawls in France and Glenfiddich in Edinbrugh on Sundays. Its’ all about expanding your horizons.”

Links on Friday

Britain’s David Miller biffs his bike. I’ll probably do this to a keyboard at some point today

Sweet own goal – that would hurt in *two* ways

Everyone loves 70s Aussie Rules brawls, and that goes double when some flamin’ galah goes seppo and clocks a bloody ref – here’s not one but two

Heh – this guy takes pictures of his TV. Scroll down for the ‘Spaz’ one. He probably reads this site

sportreview.net.nz celebrity tipping

Keith Quinn, legendary Rugby broadcaster, makes his picks for this weekend’s crunch Super 14 matches as the teams vie for semi final berths.

Force – Brumbies
The first challenge for the day is just getting up. Sleeping in is a real motivation killer, and gets you off on the wrong foot immediately.

Crusaders – Highlanders
Have a shower and get dressed – think to yourself ‘What if a potential interviewer called right now?’ You need to be ready.

Reds – Waratahs
Take a brisk walk to the shop for the paper. The cold air is invigorating and gets the mind active and sharp early. Get a couple of Peanut Slabs as a reward – you deserve it!

Lions – Stormers
Get the kettle on while making first scan of the situations vacant. Circle those that warrant further study.

Cheetahs – Bulls
Any sharp objects need to be locked away – NOW!

Sharks – Chiefs
It’s library Tuesday. Collect your books and check due dates for this week’s returns.

Sportsfreak tipping comp

I’m taking on other Cricket bloggers in Sportsfreak‘s Cricket tipping competition – the IPL of cricket tipping. I tip like Wendell Sailor trying to find the hotel loo in the dark after a three day bender, generally, but I’ve got a bad feeling about this, for two reasons:

1. On the *actually remembering to make picks* front, I’m shocking. This is also my achilles heel in the Virtual Super 14 (I only lasted one week this year before forgetting). I’ve already deleted the emailed questions for the first test.

2. I’d hate to jinx anyone. I’ve picked Ross Taylor to do well, so he’s bound to injure his wrist getting his passport out of his fanny pack or something.

Links on Friday

The 17th at Sawgrass is the famous Island Green – given the chance, I’d make a complete hash of it I reckon – kind of like this guy.

After football on a Saturday, I’m often parked up in front of TV3’s three (three!) fishing shows waiting for the cramps to kick in – The ITM Fishing Show is definitely the best, new episodes are on now.

Some League guy kicks a goal. Is this news? He’s a prop, so yeah.

Bugger GTA IV – did you know it came out originally on the NES? I’m still stuck somewhere in between San Fierro and Las Venturas in GTA San Andreas.