February 2008

It’s alright, I’ve found goal of the season already. Real Madrid’s horrible Arjen Robben thinks he’s scored and heads for the corner, unaware the goal’s been ruled out. Lowly Getafe take a quick free kick, and break away to score. Marvelous.

The Dropkicks showed a keen eye for esoteric stats during the Rugby World cup, so check out their Rugby wiki. Get involved, go write up your team before some bitter Highlanders fan does.

Heh - lower division football manager resigns, much to the laughter of his players.

Forumwarz is the whole internet in one site. Spookily accurate.

This was the Herald’s homepage this evening. I reckon Herald Staff have been:

A. Unfair with their choice of photos. Vincent’s batting with his eyes shut in one, and has this kind of “LOL! loadsa money Lou!!!!” look in the other. And…

B. Presumptuous to say he’s declared himself cured of depression. There’s no comment from Vincent or representative here at all.

OK, so taking the money and running is not a good look after much publicised mental health issues (it’s a shame he won’t play for New Zealand), but still. This story just doesn’t feel right to me - I thought it was one of mine at first.

And we’ve got silverware again. It’s been a little while. Ramos has fully sorted out that beating the top four thing Jol struggled with so much. Spurs look creative, fit, and organised, and we’ll be in Europe again next year.

Gotta say, this trophy feels much better than the last one, the dour George Graham-inspired 1-0 over Leicester with a goal from the horrible Allan Nielson.

- Gordon Strachan is the undisputed master of the press conference - it’d be nice to see someone give Smithy a bit of this

- Sad to see Stephen Fleming retire, but this guy won’t be too upset. Still, I wouldn’t want to piss him off

- Remember Zidane headbutting Materazzi in the World Cup final? It’s fair to say he had some form

- On Facebook yet? It’s… OK, now I’ve started blocking people with the Vampires and fighting and that. This looks way better

SRPA: Ever woken up racked with dread, wondering what you did last night? Bangalore franchise CEO Charu Sharma can empathise. He woke up this morning with a mind numbing hangover. And Nathan Bracken.

“What have I done?” said Sharma, after a prolonged bout of moaning and finding a cool, damp towel for his forehead. “Last thing I remember was enjoying the canapes and a little wine in reception. Next thing I have this guy in a headband sitting in my hotel room. What a horrible, horrible situation.”

An clearly tired and emotional Sharma bid $325,000 USD in last night’s Indian Premier League player auction, picking up Bracken unopposed while shouting “The headband! I want the headband! Hahahahahahahaaa!” After some strong black coffee Sharma was looking on the bright side this morning. “I guess I can use him. Fielding at cow corner. Shoring up an end. Mowing my lawn. Everyone’s good at something.”

Friday, I was at Eden Park for the Cricket, but if this is Saturday, it must be Rugby.

Last year’s Super 14 was the testing ground for ‘Look, Ma, no All Blacks!’. This year we’re testing the Experimental Law Variations (or something). The players all looked like they’d been in the gym. There were some really big hits.

They’ll need to be fit, cos the new rules make the game FAST. There was lots of sevens-style chasing after the ball slowly, forcing the opposition to cover you all the way back.

There was a lot of kicking. The forwards spent much of the game wandering around the half way line like a Zombie hoard while the full backs and wingers played force back over their heads.

The Chiefs have a great team - Mils, Sivivatu, Anesi, Kahui, Donald, Leonard, Messam, Gibbes, Luaki, and Willis… that’s a really solid spine, with some real experience tucked in there. The only thing we’re missing is a couple of massive, hairy props, which is strange, as Waikato teams are usually renowned for its great hairy props.

Eden Park seems to be taking the threat of cinemas seriously in it’s bid to retain the title “Biggest, evilest rip-off merchant of the year, Food and Drink”. I’ll review the items one by one.

- Chips - these are OK. Still. Four bucks.
- Battered Hot Dog - Horrible, pitiful, pitiful amount of sauce, and a round stick. A round stick just seems wrong.
- Fish and Chips - I’d rather have gravel and chips than pay $8.50 for fish and chips at a rugby ground.
- Calamari and Chips - No way. Just… no way.
- Soft drink / water - Jesus, don’t leave yourselves short, will you?

Overall, it was a fun, low key night out, and Eden Park is not a bad place to be of a balmy February evening. The Blues will do well this year, and it’s only early days for the Chiefs. It did make me feel I need to make the most of what’s left of this summer, though.

Today, I’ll be posting photos on Flickr from Eden park, where England are playing New Zealand.

Watch the action unfold - and pray it doesn’t rain.

Check out the Sportsfreak feed also.

- American Football is so hot right now, with yer Giants, Brady, and second and seven and all that. I still reckon the Glasgow Diamonds are the best, though. They’re here to play football. And rap.

- Scotty Pippen gives Spike Lee what-for

- Out of context takes your Hollywood movie stars and makes them look like dicks - contains spooky foreshadowing of Tom Cruise’s Scientology rant

- Sandwich encyclopedia - for those of us that think bread and dead animal are the cornerstone of any delicious meal

Tomorrow, instead of spending my best years sitting at a desk (I love my job, really), I’ll mostly be sleeping in then trotting off to the Cricket (if the rain stays away). Let’s see if we can wrap it up 3-0 and then play the kids. What? We’re beating them WITH the kids? OK then.

While I’m there, I’ll fire some insight (heh) through to the Sportsfreak. Their live blog of game two was a real larf and got picked up on the Guardian’s blog.

Actually, I’m just hoping to see the lights. I’ve been to two day night matches where it’s been all over before they’re even turned on. Come on, England!

Then on Saturday night, it’s Eden Park again for the Chiefs v the Blues. They will play a game called Rugby, you may have heard of it. Surreally, it’s that season again, seems like only yesterday I was wallowing in a black hovel of despair… Still, it’s not going to go away, and as much as I hate myself, I’ve got a nagging curiosity, and I’ll be interested to see the New Rules. I’ve got no idea what they’re about. It’s going to be a shambles. Nah, it IS far too early to be watching Rugby, isn’t it?

SRPA: Rugby fans may grumble about under-strength touring teams being cleaned up by the national side, but Cricket fans can’t get enough of it. New Zealand clinched a series victory against a Ponting and McGrath-less Australia in 2007’s Chappell-Hadlee series, and are now proving too strong for an England side without Vaughan and Flintoff.

“It’s brilliant, isn’t it?” said NZ Cricket supremo Justin Vaughan. “One minute we’re chasing down 346 against Aussie, the next we’re thrashing England by ten wickets. We’re looking to secure South Africa minus Graeme Smith for next year.”

SRPA: The ICC is set to rock the cricket world with a radical new format designed to take on the rebel Twenty20 leagues. The game takes place over five consecutive days, with no limits on bowlers’ overs, and team batting twice, if required. “There may well be scenarios where an individual could bat all day, if he’s good enough.” said ICC Chief executive Malcolm Speed at a press conference. “Imagine that!”

“There may be a few rumblings from the Long Room brigade, but we’re sure they’ll come around.” said ICC Director Of Communications Tim Strong-Ginbender. “Cricket’s a game of tradition - but we can’t be afraid to innovate. Where will the Michael Bevans and Chris Harrises of the future come from? Cricket’s forefathers, visionary men like Kerry Packer, would approve I’m sure.”

The new format was developed by a specially commissioned think tank, fresh from designing the 2007 World Cup format. “We holed up in a Dubai hotel with a whiteboard for three months.” explained Strong-Ginbender. “There was no such thing as a bad idea. Five days? Sure! Two innings? Go with that! Different coloured balls - why not red? Just a tremendous amount of energy and enthusiasm in the room.”

Players’ consultant Inzamam Ul-Haq, who spent the press conference slowly shaking his head and moaning softly, declined to answer any questions not related to the hotel’s buffet, which featured excellent Pain Au Chocolat and unlimited coffee refills before 10.30am.

SRPA: Don Singely of Hawera came out swinging today, outraged by the Wellington Sevens’ crowd behaviour over the weekend. “They’re not REAL sevens fans. Anyone would think they don’t care about Tonga v the USA at all.” By his estimation, Singely shouted “Siddown!” 47 times, “Shut-up!” 23 times, “Watch the game!” 56 times, and “Why don’t you fuck off back to Auckland, you Johnny-fuck-knuckle Village People reject?” a formidable 315 times.

Singely’s highlights of the weekend included the Samoa v Fiji nailbiter; “Magic”, and a man dressed as a parking warden tripping and landing on his face; “Halarious!”. Singely missed New Zealand’s thrilling last minute win having already left Wellington Stadium to beat the traffic.