The gravel in your sporting ice cream.
Everyone loves Top Gear – but are they cool? Really?
“Zombies cannot run – so if you see a person running at you, it’s not a zombie. DON’T shoot him. Give him a high-five.” “You’re blocking one of your own guys out there!” “He doesn’t matter, my safety is more important than his.” This is all invaluable zombie-infestation survival advice, team.
Here’s how to make a single speed hipster bike.
Do I not like that – insane, foul mouthed England football coach doco.
There’s a lot of monkeys on the telly, as any Breakfast TV viewer knows. Turns out they’re pretty good at the Krypton Factor too. If I could just get my hands on a shaved simian to sit here for the day, I’d be set.
Zinc Oxide is everywhere – be careful out there, team
Michael Phelps Returns To His Tank At Sea World
With computer games, I tend to go for Zombies and shotguns and any combination thereof. But if I played World Of Warcraft, I’d probably be this guy.
I love Ireland – it’s great. But not much happens there – enter road bowling.
I always quite fancied being a bike courier, all dreadlocks and sweat and speed and being off my face all day. But these guys – these guys are bike couriers EXTREME. And they’ve only got Scott Baio in the gang.
You suck at Photoshop – there’s a guy like this in every office, team. He’s watching you right now.
Ducks are bastards. Tasty, tasty bastards.
I never really warmed to Robbie Keane – I always suspected he’d be crap at Kareoke. He’s no Chris n Glen, put it that way. He’s not even a Gazza
More Tour De France pictures? OK
Will Ferrell accepts Tiger’s ESPY. I’ve already written my ‘half-arse blogger of the year’ award speech ready, you know. Just in case, like
If you get telemarketing calls, you should do this
If you’re not drunk and sleepy after the Rugby, team, stay up to watch Le Tour’s final time trial – it’s all going to be sorted out then. Meanwhile, spare a thought for this poor bugger.
Every football team will be playing football in various combinations. More Mitchell and Webb.
Political types – check out what actual fishermen thought of John Key’s Gone Fishin’ appearance. FYI John (if you’re reading), no-one wears brand new Auckland Blues jerseys to go fishing, or brand new All Blacks sweatshirts apres fish. Those were dead giveaways.
Pulp Sport’s Bill and Ben invent Crugby. I imagine Lance Cairns would be good at this. And Jerry Collins.
It’s Man U v Chelsea in extra time of the Champions League final. Some people drank to settle their nerves. Some couldn’t watch. This Chelsea fan decided a very public Sherman Tank was the way to go. Full credit: Haydn Dropkick
I just know I’m the last person on the internets to link to this. I just really, really love swearing, though.
As a new parent, this caught my eye. I’m thinking numbers 7 and 11.
London. It’s fantastic, and it’s holding the Olympics after China – but surely that crap mascot can be improved?
The BBC’s John Motson is yer archetypal statto / sheepskin coat-clad football commentator – but he’s still got a potty mouth
Some footballer scores – only to have it saved by the world’s bandiest-legged doctor guy. He’s not happy
Some mountain bike buy gets fully rad over the Tour De France
Le Tour started early yesterday morning – here’s the best places for coverage on the web:
The Guardian and The Times have extensive coverage and photos, alongside Le Tour’s official home page. Cycling News has loads of reports and photos, along with geeky bike porn
Here’s a Google Map, with loads of interactive bits n bobs
Interested in having a go? Each year the Etape du Tour gives weekend warriors the chance to ride a real live stage before the pros. This year the 189km stage took in the terrifying Col du Tourmalet – a 23.5 km climb at an average 7.5% gradient. Here’s two accounts of riding Tour stages, but to truly get a picture, watch this video of the notorious Mount Ventoux. Bugger. That.
Can Piswiddle win the ashes? – Mitchell and Webb cricketing stupidity ahoy
Some guy wandering around booting footballs into places he shouldn’t, brilliantly.
Little Gary Neville takes life awfully seriously – here he is refusing to shake hands with old mate Peter Schmichael, who went to play for the other guys. He doesn’t look too bothered, though.
Photoshop comp – Unpopular movie-based video games. Har.
Some tennis guy kills a pigeon. Turns out one of the players is part of the scientologists’ avian wing. Bet he wishes he had Tom Cruise’s number now.
From their mad-eyebrowed coach to Tierry Henry, France were crapper than sandpaper undies at Euro 2008. Even their coach driver was woeful.
Here’s a great list of 100 things to love about sport. Baz McCullum gets a mention, but they’re awfully rude about the All Blacks. Strangely, hearing “Why does love do this to me” at 110db at a Rugby match isn’t there – must be #101?
Those American elections go on a bit, eh? This is much better.