Category: rugby

Links on Friday

– Some muppet tries to tackle a goal kicker and knocks himself out – this is the greatest thing ever. The best bit is the tacklee doesn’t even notice – AND he sticks the kick
– Johan Cruyff – best first touch ever? – wow, that’s some skill. Bonus link – here’s my fav (non-spurs) goal ever, by another Ajax legend. My fav spurs goal is probably this one. Or this one. Or this one.
– The Times’ Serious Football Writer Brian Glanville’s top 50 football moments – nice list, he picks a whole lot of stuff from the olden days, just to prove he’s a Serious Football Writer, though
– If people behaved in meetings like they did on the internet – har. Love the guy that gets all serious

That f%*#@! guy


For years, we’ve wondered “Who’s that f%$&*@!* dork waving behind David Kirk at the ’87 World Cup?” Campbell Live tracked him down last night – turns out he’s an injured US Rugby player who was busy sponging off the Whetton twins and their Mum for the duration of the tournament, eating them out of house and home no doubt. He’s quite a laugh, though, and has this for those sick of seeing him: “All you have to do is win another World Cup, and you’ll never see me again!”. Har, fair enough I suppose.

Links on Friday – Shield challenge special

Here’s some Hamilton hyperlinks for yers to celebrate the big shield challenge tomorrow night. I’ll be there, can’t wait
– Waikato’s Sione Luaki hands off Richie McCaw – wow. He throws the All Black captain and best player in the world around like he’s a wussy smart arse blogger or something (thanks, Rugby Dump)
– Hamilton rock – if you’ve ever been to Zak’s, or seen Knightshade in action, you know how hard the ‘tron ROCKs. Here’s what I’m talking about (thanks, Spare Room)
– Highlights of Waikato v North Harbour – the smash n grab run to the shore
– The McKay family – har – but is it for real?

IRB unveils experimental Monopoly rules

SRNZPA: Go directly to jail; collect $200 with referee’s approval. The IRB’s power will soon be felt on family occasions and rainy days in baches the world over, as Rugby’s governing body moves into freelance rules consultancy. “The IRB rules committee offers solid experience in rule changes. Hey, we do it every three or four weeks” said IRB chairman Syd Millar at the unveiling of Monopoly’s experimental rules, being trialled in Australia’s B competition.

“The new position of a compulsory, non playing referee / banker will add new levels of consistency” explained Millar. The referee will have a range of powers, including harsh fines and deciding who makes the tea. For severe transgressions referees can force players to leave the room for a while and think about what they’ve done. Referees will be supported by neutral observers, who sit in the corner of the lounge and take notes for later review. There will be a blanket ban on owning both utilities and railway stations, which is designed to open up the game and allow it to flow, adding interest for new Monopoly markets. “Families and new players alike will learn to love the ‘depowered’ Community Chest” Millar added.

Critics of the ‘Old Kent Road’ laws, as they’re known, say they’re a thinly veiled tactic to blunt New Zealand Monopoly troupe All Hats’ captain Ronald MacKay’s game. MacKay plays to the very letter of the law, with moves that try the patience of Monopoly’s governing body. “We’re not comfortable with the direction of the game in the southern hemisphere, it’s becoming basketball on a board” said International Monopoly Board head Ralph Stevens. “That’s why we set those pedantic IRB arseholes loose”.

The IRB’s rules consultancy unit is also working with Tennis on a proposed new scoring system of Love / 15 / Touch / Hold / Engage.

It’s back!


Poor old North Harbour didn’t know what hit them, from the stream of cars clogging the motorway, to the cacophony of cowbells showing Albany stadium what crowd support is all about, to the steam roller, utterly committed performance of the team in red, yellow and black. Stephen Donald’s performance was the best by a New Zealand first five this year, with flawless goalkicking, intelligent running and miraculous passing. We Mooloo men are all about that shield, and despite big bad Canterbury rolling up this weekend, I’m pretty bloody confident it’s staying in Hamilton this summer.

Links on Friday (on Sunday)

– 50 greatest sporting insults – There’s some crackers here, like “There’s no way you are good enough to play for England.” “Maybe not, but at least I’m the best cricketer in my family”, directed at Mark Waugh
– Keano takes Sunderland to Ireland – OK, so *#@!$% Sunderland beat Spurs this morning (yes, thanks for the helpful reminder, Kate), but I can’t be too upset – I’ve got a sneaking admiration for Roy Keane and hope the throbbing vein on his forehead has an easier life now he’s not playing. Doubt it, though
– Soccer AM ‘third eye’ collection – if you find footballers being whacked in the face with balls hilarious, this this for you
– B3TA ‘make safe things dangerous’ image challenge – har. The the best’s the school sports day with the bear

Reading list: Nathan Rarere has an ‘actually funny’ rugby blog

Radio guy Nathan Rarere, who used to present Ice TV with cycling’s Jon Bridges and God’s Petra Baghurst, has a rugby blog that’s actually funny. On his latest post, he’s compared Hawke’s Bay’s forward pack’s ‘take no prisoners’ approach (that generally translates to ‘ensure the oppostion remains unconcious for large parts of the game’) to Roman army tactical manoeuvres. I like it a lot – added to the link roll.

Links on Friday

– George Gregan’s ‘Four more years’ call – we’ll miss this little guy alright
– It’s all about the bike – forget blood transfusion – the Tour De France is all about beautiful machines. Check out this gallery of the prologue time trial bikes
– Bacon Vodka – I’m as happy as the time I found a bacon peanut butter sandwich in London one time. Now that’s respecting both the pig and the peanut
– The Darjeeling Limited trailer– Wes Anderson’s new movie. Good to see Owen Wilson back with Wes

Tri Nations – calm(ish) before a very, very big storm

This Tri Nations was kind of like sitting through, say, Jordan Luck supporting the Rolling Stones – something much bigger and better is just around the corner, so now’s a good time to go buy a hot dog and tee shirt. What can we learn from this extended warm up?

– We can do it when it counts. South Africa away and the Tri Nations / Bledisloe decider were the two matches that really mattered this year – we won both with solid performances.

– We’re distracted. Let’s not beat around the bush – 2007 (not to mention 2006, 2005 etc) is all about the World Cup. When the whistle blew last night, McCaw asked straightaway for our support in France. Nothing else matter to us, the baying, flaming torch waving NZ rugby public, and it’s no different for the team. Forget defeat in Melbourne, or a scratchy outing in Christchurch – the team’s minds are in France.

– We might just be sandbagging in the backs. Remember 2003 when we took everyone to bits with those majestic, sweeping moves from Carlos and the back three in the Tri Nations, only for Stirling Mortlock put us out in the semi final? There’s been a distinct lack of sparkle from the backs this year, not helped by the constant switching and changing. While the forwards have been quietly building up experience and understanding as a pack (locking crisis apart), the backs are still a work in progress. It’s pointless giving White, Laporte et al footage to study on their laptops when they’re not playing minesweeper for the next six weeks. Expect big things in France.

– The Aussies and Saffas are scared. There was more worried bleating in the Tri Nations press conferences than in the film “Enter The Agrodome”, the sordid story of a touring Welsh social rugby team visiting the famous Rotorua tourist attraction after a few pints. Hopefully World Cup referees will be wise to this whinging about McCaw.

– South Africa are tough. The question is, have they got their reconditioning right? It seems a strange, kneejerk move to leave all those players at home for the touring matches. Now White has to reintegrate his squad and find a number one XV, since his last best XV was beaten at home by the ABs. All that good feeling created by the all-South Africa Super 14 final suddenly seems a long time ago.

– Australia are tough and smart. They beat us in Melbourne in their must-win game of the season, and were a handful in Auckland. Gregan is still the best ref around – his ‘not actually feeding the scrum’ scrum-feeding technique has masterfully minimised psychological damage to their fragile front row. Last night’s ref wasn’t fooled, and if it’s the same in France, they could really struggle.

– The TV commentary will get worse. Much, much worse. You all that bitch about Tony Johnson and Mex, get ready for the pain. TV3 will cover the World Cup, meaning their ‘Rugby’ ‘Editor’ Hamish MacKay has the mic. With MacKay, every game is a MASSIVE, MUST WIN ENCOUNTER, every tackle is a HUGE, TEETH RATTLING HIT. When he scratches his arse, IT’S A SUPER HUMAN EFFORT. Most annoying, though, is his rehearsed lines for try scorers – utter bollocks like “Aye, Aye, Captain!” as McCaw crashes over, “the Ice Man cometh” for Toeava, or “But soft, what light over yonder try line breaks? ‘Tis Anton, and the ball is the sun” for Anton Oliver*. I bet he’s got heaps prepared in an exercise book in writing that doesn’t join up. He’ll have guys like Frank Bunce and Allan Whetton alongside him (plus, worryingly, KFC spokesman / Destiny Church advocate Mark ‘Bull’ Allen) – let’s hope they can get a word in edgeways.

Now we just have to wait six weeks until the big show starts. (SIX WEEKS? WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOUR YEARS!). Despite our media and public’s demands for flawless 50 point thumpings every time we play, we saw enough in Durban and Auckland to suggest Henry and Co. are timing their run for France, as they should be. 2007’s real crunch matches are yet to come – remember how well they played in the last really big series? That would be the Lions tests, and if we can hit that form again, we’ll justify our tag as huge favorites, and it will take something very, very special indeed to stop us. Can we get excited yet?

* I made that one up. You get the idea, though.