Links on Friday


Some muppet tries to tackle a goal kicker and knocks himself out – this is the greatest thing ever. The best bit is the tacklee doesn’t even notice – AND he sticks the kick
Johan Cruyff – best first touch ever? – wow, that’s some skill. Bonus link – here’s my fav (non-spurs) goal ever, by another Ajax legend. My fav spurs goal is probably this one. Or this one. Or this one.
The Times’ Serious Football Writer Brian Glanville’s top 50 football moments – nice list, he picks a whole lot of stuff from the olden days, just to prove he’s a Serious Football Writer, though
If people behaved in meetings like they did on the internet – har. Love the guy that gets all serious

Links on Friday


Pulp Sports’ The Butcher Sopranos parody – what was the Sopranos finale all about? Did he die or what? My heart was going like anything…
Ronny Rosenthal misses a sitter – and what a sitter. Luckily, he did it for the bin dippers, and not Spurs
The most rockin song of all time – is Credences’ ‘Ramble Tamble’ apparently. And it’s pretty bloody good. I’ve got a soft spot for ‘Keep your hands to yourself’ by Georgia Satellites myself. Or the Ramones’ ‘Rockaway Beach’
Urban planner clearly depressed when she came up with street names – Har

Football weekend


– The Phoenix have risen from Wellington’s coffee grounds (or something) to play in Australia’s A-League, and kicked off on Sunday against the Melbourne Victory. It’s a shame for us Auckland footy fans, but the Cake Tin, or Ring Of Fire has it’s now known and football looks like a match made in heaven. There was a decent crowd, numbering around 14,000, seemingly ALL kitted out in cool yellow T-Shirts or scarfs (is it still cold in Welly or wot?), all keen to put those terrace chants learned on OEs to good use.

The Phoenix are made up of New Zealanders, Australians (including the Keano-like Aloisi), and BRAZILIANS no less, and lead by 1982’s Riki Herbert, who’s effortlessly gone from mullet and tight sorts to Casino Royale-style well cut suit. And they can play. Once the nerves had settled, and they’d gone two nil down and fluffed a penalty, they began to play, and started passing it around nicely. The Brazilian Daniel looks like a fine player when not writhing around on the grass, and Aloisi obviously brings great experience. Daniel and then Shane Smetlz headed goals, and we were really unlucky not to get the win, with a couple of fine chances they’ll bury later in the season.

It was really important to get a great start and bury those memories of the Kingz / Knights / whatever being flogged every week at Albany stadium. Riki Herbert really is the man, and his team are all set for a great season – Sunday afternoon on the couch just got really exciting.

– Spurs, spurs, spurs. You go out of interweb coverage for a week, and come back to this pile of shite. Tottenham are fast losing the ‘sexy football’ rep, and consolidating the ‘sexy shoot oneself in the foot’ one. The board is divided on the hugely popular Martin Jol, whose cheery unflappability looks more and more flappable by the week, and went to Portugal to try and lure Seville’s Juande Ramos two games into the season. It’s a typically Spurs dog’s breakfast, and when you’re in that situation, a trip to Man Utd the last thing you need. Surprisingly, we did alright, and conceded only the one 30 yard screamer, and got a dead cert penalty turned down – a typical Old Trafford result.

Links on Friday


Villa’s Martin O’Neil, pop picker extraordinaire, telling Robbie Williams what for – classic, it’s like being told off by a senile old science teacher
Wayne Rooney meets Dirty Sanchez – the Welsh jackass imitators that are ten times funnier. That can’t be his house…?
Touch The Rainbow – great tv ad for Skittles. Wish I could do this with a nice bacon sandwich
All You Had To Say Was ‘Owen Wilson Befriends A Dolphin’ And I Was Sold – that’s how it gets done, team

Roman Abramovich writes to young Chelsea fans



Chelsea chairman Roman Abramovich is a man of ominous, brooding, dark, dark mystery. Here’s his responses to children’s letters to Chelsea’s official fan’s magazine.

Dear Chelsea magazine –
My favourite colour is blue. I can’t wait for the football to start again, and when I’m big enough I want to play for Chelsea. I like playing football with my brother.
Darren, 6, Reading

Darren –
Blood. Let blood be your guide. When you have spent the off season waist deep in offal of indeterminate origin like Roman Abramovich, your thinking will be much, much clearer.
Roman

Dear Chelsea magazine –
I love Chelsea. When they win I run around in the garden yelling “Yes! Yes! Yes!” with all my might. I hope you win the Champions’ League this year. The other lads in my class mostly support Arsenal, but I love Chelsea FC!
Mike, 8, Richmond

Dear Mike –
Many, many years ago, a group of young Russians made a big mistake. They mocked a young man who was true of heart, whose only crime was the thick, matted hair covering his body no razor could tame. They laughed. They laughed and mocked. They sung “Roman’s a retard!” They’re all dead now.
Roman

Dear Chelsea magazine –
I love my Chelsea teddy bear. I called him “Terry”. I’m six. Can I be a ball boy?
Stevie, 4, Fulham

Dear Stevie –
I love Chelsea too! Why not buy your bear an official Chelsea scarf? They’re only 18.99 and available online. (edited by Chelsea FC communications dept.)
Roman

Links on Friday (on Sunday)


50 greatest sporting insults – There’s some crackers here, like “There’s no way you are good enough to play for England.” “Maybe not, but at least I’m the best cricketer in my family”, directed at Mark Waugh
Keano takes Sunderland to Ireland – OK, so *#@!$% Sunderland beat Spurs this morning (yes, thanks for the helpful reminder, Kate), but I can’t be too upset – I’ve got a sneaking admiration for Roy Keane and hope the throbbing vein on his forehead has an easier life now he’s not playing. Doubt it, though
Soccer AM ‘third eye’ collection – if you find footballers being whacked in the face with balls hilarious, this this for you
B3TA ‘make safe things dangerous’ image challenge – har. The the best’s the school sports day with the bear

Links on Friday


Le Tour’s Mount Ventoux – bugger biking up here. It just goes up and up and up, and looks like the moon
Greatest bit of fielding ever? – Gatting couldn’t be more surprised than if he’d been slapped with a fish
A high quality Spurs goal from G. Linneker – Spurs are looking good for top four this year I reckon (Bonus link for you SportsFreaks: Glen ‘n Chris do Diamond Lights)
Top 50 Muppets – I like Crazy Harry, the mad bomber. And Lefty

Links on Friday


Tour De France face plant – the Tour De France Prologue through London is this weekend, with stage one in idyllic English countryside the next night. Check guides for times, good luck on Sky’s shitty website
Good Goran interviews Bad Goran – not that remarkable really, I conduct interviews with myself like this all the time
Andoni Goicoechea, ‘The Butcher of Bilbao’ shatters Maradonna’s ankle – ouch. It’s all on the next time the teams meet
The Framely Examiner – Har. I want to live here
Dinosaur Jr – In a jar – I’m off to see these guys on Monday night. Kick. Ass.

Links on Friday


Mike Whitney Toohey’s Ad – A throwback to a simpler time when the Windies were awesome, a man could feel comfortable in big hair and stubbies, and sport was just the warm up for drinking 23 cans of piss
Sneaky goal – You can see him behind the goal going “I am the great invisible-ist-o! This rash ‘keeper is unaware of my powers and will soon pay a pretty price.”
Paul Holmes beats down Dennis Conner – The infamous interview where Paul made a name for himself, before shooting off to play in the Midget Afro Basketball League. Ta, Public Address System
Getting down on the range – some hip hop dancin’ dudes bring the streets to the golf course
If computer errors told the truth – har

Links on Friday


– This is what we’ll be missing now Ali’s broken his jaw:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BErv0fci9c]
This clip comes with a typically confused piece of Mexted commentary: “But it wasn’t a punch, Tony, I was watching off camera… oooh, he DID punch him… he did land it”. I’m convinced Muzza has absolutely no idea he’s on TV
Dimitar Berbatov’s top three goals – courtesy of Soccer AM. If your name is Alex Ferguson, Arsene Wenger or Jose Mourinho, MITTS OFF!
Love Tetris? Got dreams of being a pixelated block? – This is the Japanese gameshow for you
Great Sgt. Pepper’s article – the ‘greatest album ever’ turned 40 a coupla weeks ago. For me, you can’t go past Abbey Road. Or Revolver. Or Rubber Soul, even. Ah feck it, ALL the Beatles’ albums are pretty shit hot, even when they let Ringo sing one