Month: September 2008

Rejected designs for new high tech Black Cap uniforms


The Black Caps revealed some swanky new uniforms yesterday, complete with high tech fabric, Man City-style loadsamoney sponsor, microfibre panels and goodness knows what else.

I’m underwhelmed. I like black and clean lines. This one has neither, and heralds a return to New Zealand Crickets’ worrying willingness to embrace grey. It’s not Beige. The best I can say is it’s it’s better than some of the crap we’ve had (there’s further discussion on sporting uniforms at Hadyn’s new digs).

Any design process has a few draft versions and false starts along the way, and I can now reveal the rejected designs, exclusively leaked to sportreview.net.nz in a hotel carpark on the back of a sausage roll. Behold.

Links on Friday (on Saturday)

Fancy a spot of the old ultra violence? Go to YouTube and search ‘Roy Keane’ and ‘tackle’. Exhibit A. Exhibit B. He’s even handy with the verbals too. What a guy.

Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink didn’t mind scoring loads of goals against Tottenham. sportreview.net.nz doesn’t mind posting clips that make Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink look like an eejit who can’t keep track of the end he’s playing at.

Fourteen Passive-Aggressive Appetizers – Top thick slices of country bread with fresh goat cheese. Sprinkle with herbs and bake until crusty; serve to everyone but Jeff.

www.fuckoffimbusy.com

David Foster Wallace Tennis writing

Bookish types (sportreview.net.nz readers are notoriously literary) will have been sad to hear that David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest writer and a fine journalist, took his life last weekend.

As well as being an all-round shit-hot writer, Wallace was a nationally (US) ranked junior Tennis player, and often wrote features on the sport. Here’s what I could find online:

Roger Federer as religious experience – New York Times

Democracy and Commerce at the US Open – Tennis magazine

Tennis, Trigonometry, Tornadoes: A Midwestern boyhood – Harper’s Magazine (pdf, about 3 MB)

Other DFW stuff:

The Onion chips in with NASCAR Cancels Remainder Of Season Following David Foster Wallace’s Death

Get your Enfield Tennis Academy t-shirt

Ryder Cup high five report

I’ve enjoyed the Ryder Cup golf the last two mornings. It’s real tense, with the kind of pressure that makes players want to vomit over two foot putts. Vomit REALLY messes up your line.

But if you want a laugh, watch the high fives. Normally the domain of Basketball players and West Indian fast bowlers, in the Ryder Cup every putt, drive, muesli bar, chip, or bunker shot gets a hand-slap more awkward than a Stephen Hawking breakdance. Try as they might, the Europeans are crap high fivers  – at the end of the Poulter/McDowell match, there was a conspicuous miss. Ouch.

On the American team, Anthony Kim was swinging his arm like a Steffi Graf forehand at playing partner Phil Mickelson. Phil didn’t seem like he wanted to be high fived quite that hard, ta very much, but made up for his lack of hand slap commitment by making his eyes bulge wildly and whoopin’ instead.

It all finishes tomorrow – if you enjoy watching golfers making names for themselves, cracking under the pressure, or pulling out of high fives to save their valuable, valuable hands, take the day off. It’s going to be good.

Links
– Harry Pearson Ryder Cup preview
– Six great moments from The Guardian
– 14 1/2 great moments from The Times.
– Will Buckley on Europe captain Nick Faldo

Links on Friday (on Saturday)

Big time Basketball guy LeBron James gets his arse handed to him in a trick shot contest by some guy. He’s smiling, but he’s not happy.

Another reason to save pennies for a Wii – Beach Cricket. Still, XBox has Left 4 Dead… lucky I can play Doom on my Mac, eh? At least there’s some cool weapons.

Lazy Pommy journo in trusting Wikipedia shock – nice takedown on B3ta.

Never ever bloody anything ever. sportreview.net.nz lives their life by that rule.

Links on Friday

There’s something not right about Parkour guys – they’re pretty much the new rollerbladers. They do take some nasty spills, though.

If you love fishing, but can’t be arsed with all the rods and that, turns out all you need is a helicopter.

Single? Get yourself a Wolf T-shirt.

Nasty Andy Muray has a scrap with Del Potro. By ‘scrap’ I mean *wussy* verbals at end changes. Umpire does very well to keep a straight face here.

Opening the sportreview.net.nz crypt

Digging through my crap at the weekend (as you do), I stumbled across a few school essays on Cricket I wrote aged about ten. Comforting to see my spelling’s about the same. And my drawing is only barely better. If only I’d had PowerPoint in those days, eh?

First up – ‘How to bowl a ball’, a shot aimed squarely at any Australians that might read my schoolwork:

How to bowl a ball 090908

Then, there’s ‘The Final Over’ the breathless tale of me taking on the Aussies in a ‘friendly one day test’. Small boys are obsessed with Cricket equipment, aren’t they? I was handed a ‘tan and beige uniform, white helmet, bat, pads, shady hat and cap’. I’m surprised a box wasn’t mentioned.

In my excitement I forget one day matches have only two innings – I bowl, then bat, then I take a winning catch. I was good then. I also brazenly thumb my nose at any namby pamby anti-tobacco types, I was going to play in a ROTHMANS mini series. Have a read, you can click to make it bigger.

The final over 090908

Manu Samoa come of age with under-strength All Black bloodbath

SRPA: Leaving your best players out for a New Zealand tour used to be just for the likes of England or Wales. After a 101-14 loss, Manu Samoa at last took their place at the big boys’ table. With a forward pack as competitive as Ian Smith versus a Milo and an early night, and a backline with more gaping holes than a Stu Wilson bender recollection, Manu Samoa showed they’ve finally joined the professional era.

With several of the first choice XV unable to tour due to earning shit-loads in Europe commitments, the Samoans fielded a 3rd XV tonight in a thrashing worse than a paralytic arts student taking on Ross Murant.

“To come here and lose by 87 points shows the Samoans are ready.” said NZRFU CEO Steve Tew. “I’d rate it alongside ’07’s 61-10 toweling of France. Maybe even the 55-3 Wales debacle in ’03. We’ll definitely work with them to schedule more hidings in the future.”

Jubilant Manu Samoa Coach Niko Palamo said “Those boys did themselves proud representing Samoa tonight. Whoever they were.” The loss impressed the English press with The Times’ Stephen Jones purring  about the Samoans’ indomitable spirit and the sheer magnitude of glorious, glorious defeat. He also demanded the Samoan’s immediate inclusion in the Six Nations at the expense of Scotland.