Links on Friday

– Tour De France face plant – the Tour De France Prologue through London is this weekend, with stage one in idyllic English countryside the next night. Check guides for times, good luck on Sky’s shitty website
– Good Goran interviews Bad Goran – not that remarkable really, I conduct interviews with myself like this all the time
– Andoni Goicoechea, ‘The Butcher of Bilbao’ shatters Maradonna’s ankle – ouch. It’s all on the next time the teams meet
– The Framely Examiner – Har. I want to live here
– Dinosaur Jr – In a jar – I’m off to see these guys on Monday night. Kick. Ass.

Finally, someone talking sense: Shock as Henry hands All Black reigns to talkback callers


SRNZPA: Dave from Greymouth will lead the All Blacks to the World Cup. In a shock announcement today, the three wise men of New Zealand Rugby have handed the hopes and dreams of a nation to regular Radio Sport callers. “It was an obvious choice” said Graham Henry. “Listening to the radio on the way back from the airport I was staggered, quite frankly. It seems our sharpest Rugby minds were in the lounges, garages and pub carkparks of New Zealand, not at the game.”

The new panel underwent a rigorous selection process. Head coach Dave from Greymouth is a regular contributor to Radio Sport’s midnight to 4AM Ruckin’ Rugged Rugby Graveyard show. “It’s fair to say I don’t sleep much. If at all.” said Dave, who lives alone. Forwards coach Ryan from Manurewa proved his coaching credentials with a 23 minute rambling tirade against Reuben Thorne in the early hours of Monday morning. “When he used the word ‘invisible’ three times in a sentance I knew we’d found our man. Particularly as Reuben wasn’t even playing.” said Henry. Backline specialist Des from Waitara makes the move from coaching the Waitara Possums’ 2nd XV to the All Blacks. “I’ve been banging on about how I’d fix the All Blacks for years”, a claim confirmed by his wife, five sons, the postman, Dipak in the Dairy, and regular patrons of the Waitara Tavern’s public bar.

The new regime has no shortage of coaching theories honed over hours of talkback. Hair product and dreadlocks are out and number 4 buzzcuts are in. The media will be banned from talking to players, with the coaches speaking exclusively to Murray Deaker. Team talks will now be delivered over the phone on a conference call. Ryan from Manurewa outlined the new panel’s collaborative style: “We’re not afraid of getting experts in to help. Like Glen from Huntley – he’s a leaguie, but his ideas on the Warriors being gutless wonders is something we can learn from.”

“We know talkback callers are often labeled blinkered, fickle cretins. Many are. But believe you me, if we don’t bring home the World Cup, I’ll be first to ring Willie Lose and demand my own resignation.” said Des from Waitara. The new panel is upbeat about their chances in France this spring. “If any French git waiter gets clever with me he’ll know all about it” said Dave from Greymouth, who’s heard a beer could cost as much as fifteen bucks, which is daylight bloody robbery, adding he hoped they weren’t holding their breath for a tip at those prices, which were just about as bad as he’s heard they are up in Auckland.

Bonus Friday link

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n2JnErCbJE]
Here’s a alleycat race through London, hitting Tottenham Court Road / Oxford St intersection, the Oxford St / Regent St intersection, Soho, Covent Garden, etc, with loads of zipping in and around black cabs, pedestrians, etc. Looks like lots of fun, but not for the faint hearted – even the camera man shows some mad skillz here.

This is kind of like what the Tour De France prologue will be like but without the traffic or combat shorts and that.

Links on Friday

– Mike Whitney Toohey’s Ad – A throwback to a simpler time when the Windies were awesome, a man could feel comfortable in big hair and stubbies, and sport was just the warm up for drinking 23 cans of piss
– Sneaky goal – You can see him behind the goal going “I am the great invisible-ist-o! This rash ‘keeper is unaware of my powers and will soon pay a pretty price.”
– Paul Holmes beats down Dennis Conner – The infamous interview where Paul made a name for himself, before shooting off to play in the Midget Afro Basketball League. Ta, Public Address System
– Getting down on the range – some hip hop dancin’ dudes bring the streets to the golf course
– If computer errors told the truth – har

Butterworth: Team New Zealand win clearly cost us victory


SRNZPA: Alinghi Tactician Brad Butterworth blamed Team New Zealand’s first place finish in this morning’s America’s Cup race for his team’s failure to notch win number two. Team New Zealand skipper Dean Barker manoeuvred the black boat in front in the final upwind leg and clung on to level the series 1-1. “Initial analysis tells us when they got in front and finished ahead of us, that was the boat race.” said Alinghi tactician Butterworth, whose personal record of 16 consecutive America’s cup wins was broken with this morning’s defeat. “The brains trust is pretty sharp at picking these things up.”

Butterworth admitted years of experience in the America’s Cup pressure cooker counts for little when the boat finishes in second place. “Our tactics only pay off when we cross the line first. It’s plain sailing from there. But if you get into a situation where they’re ahead at the end and get the gun… that makes it very tough indeed for us to record a win. We spend hours and hours on the little things, they can be the difference between winning and losing. Traditionally, finishing order has been a key strength of Alinghi’s but we’ll have to look at it tonight, alright.”

However, the American’s Cup veteran remained stoic, saying “We’ll go back to base, haul the boat out of the water, and look at the tape to see what’s in the way of victory. The bit I’ll focus on where NZL92 crosses the line first, that seems crucial.”

TVNZ commentator Pete Montgomery agreed with Butterworth’s assessment. “Traditionally, In A Dogfight Like This There Can Be Only One Victor That Enjoys The Spoils. For The Folks At Home, Usually That’s The Magnificent Boat That Finishes First” said Montgomery before being lead away for a thorough hose down before race three.

On the road again – The Vitus 979

Here’s my project of the last couple months – a Vitus 979 road bike.

The drivetrain is Campagnolo Triomphe, with Shimano Exage brakes. It’s got Tubular tires on Araya ‘Red’ rims, and Wellgo pedals. The handlebars are Cinelli.

This is a very light bike, Vitus are a French bicycle tubing company, and this one is unique in that the tubes are glued together rather than welded, as it usually the case. Here’s more info on this bike. The 979 was made famous by Irish Cyclist Sean Kelly – here he is in the San Remo – Milan race.

Links on Friday

– Riding the Tour De France prologue route – this would be cool. The Tour’s prologue section is in London this year, starting on the 7th of July, so set the alarms to see the riders caning it past Big Ben, the London Eye, that pub you spewed outside that time, etc. Typically, there will be a drug-related bans before it starts, including the cartoon villain-like blackshirts
– Boris Becker, 12 – a typically committed shot from the broom cupboard bandito
– Crappy movie corner – trailer for Kevin Costner’s The Postman – and an entertaining write up. Make no mistake, team, this is crap of the highest quality, and hard on the heels of Waterworld, too
– Dur – DAH-DAHHHHHHH! – the most sinister rodent you’re going to see on a second-rate sports blog today

More ABs call for food ideas

SRNZPA: Following Ali Williams’ call for soup recipes as he recovers from a broken jaw, more All Blacks are jumping on the culinary bandwagon.

Jerry Collins is now asking for the public’s tips on preparing raw meat, while Anton Oliver is looking for ideas to enhance his risottos. Steve Hanson is not too bothered generally, as everything he eats is smothered in “shitloads of tomato sauce. WATTIES tomato sauce”.