Category: football

Abramovich: Werewolf


Check out this photo of Chelsea FC’s sugar daddy Roman Abramovich at his first wedding – I reckon he’s a werewolf, eh.

That would explain a lot.

UPDATE: Holy. Shit. The shaved werewolf might have fooled (and possibly devoured) one unfortunate Russian bride, but now he’s going out with a Zombie! Check out that brain-hungry mouth, the dead, dead eyes and listing posture. She is FULLY a Zombie. What’s going on at Stamford Bridge? And why does Roman look so pleased? What does he know that we don’t? Does that smug, far-away look in his eyes mean he’s dreaming of a post-zombie-infestation apocalyptic world where he rules the few survivors through a callous blend of terror, fear and ritual humiliation? I think we should be told.

Links on Friday

– Berbatov stars for Spurs vs Braga in midweek UEFA cup action – that first goal is a thing of great, great beauty, not to mention Sheringham-esque. This guy can fark off
– Federer incredible shot – Nice guy Roddick’s all “You crazy Swiss guy!” but inside he’s like “DIE YOU %#*!@!, I’ll never win ANYTHING!!!”
– Robbie Savage @ the darts – this guy is a twat – a diving, whinging, dirty twat, and one of the most hated footballers in Britain. See what happens when a night out at the darts turns sour
– GQ’s 25 most stylish movies – where’s Topless Women Talk About Their Lives? Eh?
– A trip through Chuck Klosterman’s iPod – Interestingly, everyone’s fav Heavy Metal fan / bloody sharp writer doesn’t load ALL his music on his iPod, just the hits
– How to review stuff – A bullseye. That’s what this article calls to mind

Links on Friday

– Public Address has Cricket World Cup coverage – That’s me farked then. Those bastards have even set up a sport satire blog that’s actually funny. *Sigh*
– Curtly Ambrose – too cool for school. Compare this to, say, Brett Lee’s wicket celebrations. To mangle Pinetree’s quote, it’s still called cricket, but it’s just not the same…
– Valencia v Inter rumble midweek – Arsenal. Heh
– Jonty Rhodes – bless. I remember that World Cup of 92 and how cool and novel it was seeing the South Africans for the first time. They even had the aging Barry Richards, didn’t they?
– This is wrong on so many levels – I could imagine Sharon off Kath and Kim getting one, though.
– Frank Worthington – great goal

Links on Friday

– Four minutes of Glenn Hoddle – yes he might be a religious nutter these days and a not very good manager, but he could really play. Relive those Sunday mornings watching Big League Soccer with the English Platini
– ANOTHER stadium plan for Auckland – I like the cheeky Paris mention – but then Paris-style planning on a large scale would be a step in the right direction
– Graham Reid’s Auckland walk – very thoughtful piece lamenting the tumble-weed infested area the above lot want to stick a stadium on. And yes, Queen St is a hole at the moment
– Brial v Bunce – This little incident from way back when the Tri Nations was new and exciting always makes me laugh – “Hey! Frank! I’m hitting you! Pay attention!”
– Hell on Wheels – is a documentary on the Tour De France – highly recommended
– Competitive Horse Riding Rule Book – it’s funny ‘cos it’s true

Now we’re getting somewhere

Australia vs New Zealand ODI @ the WACA
– We got stuffed in the field, if I had a dollar for every time they showed Dan Vettori looking sick after dropping Hayden, I’d have 126 bucks
– Having said that, we actually hauled them back just a little from an insurmountable total – with 12 overs to go I thought they’d get 400
– In that heat Ponting and Hayden really showed some fight and class to graft out their hundreds
– Great to have Lou Vincent back, he did a great job (save those too-*@!#-cute-by-half reverse sweeps), and might have steered us to a win if he wasn’t given out LBW off his gloves. Calling Symonds a wanker and doing the tugger sign was a touch of class too, hilariously prompting dead air from everyone’s favorite commentary team
– Oram was phenomenal – I feel a lot better about our World Cup chances with him in the team
– McCullum showed his great technique to patiently score singles and give Oram the strike, before wading into some boundary-hitting himself. Hey Braces – HE’S NOT AN OPENER!
– Every time Oram hit a six into the WACA’s hill, a pissed gaggle of inbreds and their fat children looking fresh from a gig as Peter Jackson extras started killing each other for the ball – a really scary insight there
– I loved seeing McGrath getting smashed into the stands a couple of times, not to mention when he dropped Oram while turning in circles like a drunk dog chasing its tail. I know it’s sad and not very sporting, but basically, my idea of fun is anything slightly unfortunate happening to Glenn McGrath
– We really need to build on this and push on – we should be able to do the Poms comfortably now, and we’ll still have (at least) three more games against the Aussies, making a pretty fair build up to the World Cup
– With Styris and Bond to come back, and with everyone fit and well, our first team goes like this:
Vincent
Fleming
Fulton
Taylor
Styris
Oram
McCullum
Vettori
Mills
Gillespie
Bond
with Patel, Franklin and Macca as back up – we’re not looking too bad all of a sudden

Bonus football link – How good is Wayne Rooney?

Links on Friday

– Ireland vs Australia Compromise Rules – Paddies and Ockers have loads in common, like a deep love of gambling, wit/swearing, binge drinking – and sport nobody else plays, ie Gaelic Football and Australian Rules. Enter Compromise Rules, an excuse for a scrap thinly disguised as a sporting event
– ‘The Look’ – Lance Armstrong gives Jan Ullrich the beat down in the Alps, 2001
– Kiwi Blokes – click on the Chainsaw for everything bloke-like. Actually, the fact you’re sat at a computer, and not out drive-by deer hunting in the Holden, means none of this applies
– Consumption photos – this is pretty freaky
– Zinadine’s European Cup winning volley vs Bayer Leverkusen – I miss that Spock-like nutter already
– How to get traffic for your blog – and there I was relying on the power of stupidity and laziness…

Weekend roundup

Australia – NZ at the SCG
Yes, I KNEW it was late Sunday night, the Aussies were too good not to chase down 219, that it’s only one game of a long series, tomorrow’s Monday and I could use the extra sleep, but still I sat glued to the couch ’til the bitter (bitter) end. We messed this one up no question, as the 30 something replays of Franklin dropping Clarke in super-slow-mo, extreme close up, heat spot-cam and even pissed-on-23-cans-of-XXXX-O-vision confirmed. Even more damaging was the botched run out of the amazing Hussey, the most dangerous Australian batsman right now. I don’t want to become the 4529th person to say “Where are our runs from the top order?”, but… actually, yeah, where ARE our runs from the top order? We’re not giving our bowlers, who have got quite good at turd polishing lately, any chance whatsoever. Watching our last two games has been like watching your DVD of The Office for the upteenth time – you’ve seen it a million times before, you’re cringing like anything, and you already know what’ll happen at the end.

Premiership
Wow. The Scousers beat Harlequins Chelsea, exposing their defensive shit-ness without John Terry for all to see and laugh at, and then feckin’ Arsenal went and beat Man Utd, pissing in the beer of those wanting Anyone But Chelsea to win it. It’s going to be interesting, team. Spurs managed not to lose at Fulham, which was nice. Ish.

TV
It’s a magic time for fans of watching floodlight sport from Australia late into the night, with the Commonwealth Bank series competing with the Australian Open tennis for screen time. The shots of Sydney’s sunset over the SCG during last nights’ game were spectacular.

Weekend Roundup

Australia 289/8 – New Zealand 184 all out
Typical. The Black Caps lost their last seven wickets for 23 runs, showing as much fight as Ian Smith at the NZ Pie Baking Champs, just when Ross Taylor had put us in a solid position to push on and challenge the Aussies’ not insurmountable total. McMillan failed again, and while slagging Macca is so much a part of life in this country that it’s now a requirement for becoming a NZ Citizen, I find it hard to believe he’s one of our top batsmen these days. Styris and Oram are badly, badly needed. Tomorrow night is a Pieterson-less England, and a win is vital – they’ve been beaten up by Australia pretty bad, and on Friday night they looked like they need a beer and a laugh. Geez, if the guy geeing ME up was as joyful a character as Duncan Fletcher, they’d need to remove any sharp objects from the dressing room.

Tottenham 2 Newcastle 3
Typical. Get up obscenely early. See your team play some really nice stuff, creating about twenty odd chances, score two, and then get burgled at home for three points. The Geordie moaners are so injured that Glenn Roeder’s neighbours’ boy got a run at left back. Arsene’s not even going to need his dodgy lasagne at this rate.

Scary link of the day
Sonny Shaw is the guy / psychopath that appears at every New Zealand Cricket or Rugby match ever – he’s easy to spot because he’s always got a flag, some bizzare fluffy toys, and lines himself up to gain maximum TV appearances, much to Sky TV’s despair. He’s widely disliked in Cricketing circles for his self-promotion and general creepiness. Obviously, this guy is a Muppet, but check out his website (thanks, Spare Room). Holy. Crap. There’s some scary, scary stuff within, from the anally retentive stats from his globe-trotting, to the nasty, extensive ‘Girls’ section (some NSFW), where the portly Shaw rubs his moustache on some poor unfortunates, with everyone looking like they’ve had plenty to drink. Sadly, the ‘Personalities’ section sheds no light on what makes him tick whatsoever. Fair play to Sonny for attending all those matches, but he’s basically representing his country, and should show some class.

Bonus cheap shot I prepared earlier – Sonny gets spear tackled

Links on Friday

– PJ O’Rourke on the Bicycle Menace – There’s nothing stopping Auckland becoming an Amsterdam-like cycling haven. Apart from the hills, humidity, and the “OMYFARKINGOD GET OUT OF MY WAY I NEED TO HIT 70 KPH BEFORE THE NEXT RED LIGHT ARRRGHH ARRRGHH” attitude many motorists share
– Paul Gasgoine retrospective – You forget how good he was pre-knee injury
– Movies listed by ‘F’ word count – Tarantino scores highly here, of course. Bonus link – Pulp Fiction with everything but the swearing taken out
– Bob Mack vs The ‘Nuge – the greatest Rock and Roll interview ever (click the links further down)
– Thermonuclear Texas Chili – I add Chicken just to round it out to three meats, and don’t bother farking around with the Chilis like these guys. Just chuck them in and be done
– Ali Williams dumps George Gregan on his arse – Everyone can enjoy this. Only three weeks ’til Super 14 rugby, team. Sheee-yit, we’ve not even had SUMMER yet

Links on Friday

– Breaking News:Today’s Spurs v Bucharest Uefa Cup goals are on this page (Needs Quicktime and a minute or two to load). Class goal from Berbatov, who can’t stop scoring at the moment. I love him.
– Top 10 Matt Le Tissier goals. Should have come to Spurs and been the next Hoddle. Typically, he was hardly picked for England when they could have built a team around him.
– UK Graffiti prankster Banksy hits New York’s museums.
– My Aussie Cricket cartoon – don’t forget to re-size if it looks small and funny, like David Boon.
– Har.
– Star Trek Inspirational Posters. Beat procrastination with Kirky + the chaps.