Author: Richard Irvine

Bonus Friday link

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n2JnErCbJE]
Here’s a alleycat race through London, hitting Tottenham Court Road / Oxford St intersection, the Oxford St / Regent St intersection, Soho, Covent Garden, etc, with loads of zipping in and around black cabs, pedestrians, etc. Looks like lots of fun, but not for the faint hearted – even the camera man shows some mad skillz here.

This is kind of like what the Tour De France prologue will be like but without the traffic or combat shorts and that.

Links on Friday

– Mike Whitney Toohey’s Ad – A throwback to a simpler time when the Windies were awesome, a man could feel comfortable in big hair and stubbies, and sport was just the warm up for drinking 23 cans of piss
– Sneaky goal – You can see him behind the goal going “I am the great invisible-ist-o! This rash ‘keeper is unaware of my powers and will soon pay a pretty price.”
– Paul Holmes beats down Dennis Conner – The infamous interview where Paul made a name for himself, before shooting off to play in the Midget Afro Basketball League. Ta, Public Address System
– Getting down on the range – some hip hop dancin’ dudes bring the streets to the golf course
– If computer errors told the truth – har

Butterworth: Team New Zealand win clearly cost us victory


SRNZPA: Alinghi Tactician Brad Butterworth blamed Team New Zealand’s first place finish in this morning’s America’s Cup race for his team’s failure to notch win number two. Team New Zealand skipper Dean Barker manoeuvred the black boat in front in the final upwind leg and clung on to level the series 1-1. “Initial analysis tells us when they got in front and finished ahead of us, that was the boat race.” said Alinghi tactician Butterworth, whose personal record of 16 consecutive America’s cup wins was broken with this morning’s defeat. “The brains trust is pretty sharp at picking these things up.”

Butterworth admitted years of experience in the America’s Cup pressure cooker counts for little when the boat finishes in second place. “Our tactics only pay off when we cross the line first. It’s plain sailing from there. But if you get into a situation where they’re ahead at the end and get the gun… that makes it very tough indeed for us to record a win. We spend hours and hours on the little things, they can be the difference between winning and losing. Traditionally, finishing order has been a key strength of Alinghi’s but we’ll have to look at it tonight, alright.”

However, the American’s Cup veteran remained stoic, saying “We’ll go back to base, haul the boat out of the water, and look at the tape to see what’s in the way of victory. The bit I’ll focus on where NZL92 crosses the line first, that seems crucial.”

TVNZ commentator Pete Montgomery agreed with Butterworth’s assessment. “Traditionally, In A Dogfight Like This There Can Be Only One Victor That Enjoys The Spoils. For The Folks At Home, Usually That’s The Magnificent Boat That Finishes First” said Montgomery before being lead away for a thorough hose down before race three.

On the road again – The Vitus 979

Here’s my project of the last couple months – a Vitus 979 road bike.

The drivetrain is Campagnolo Triomphe, with Shimano Exage brakes. It’s got Tubular tires on Araya ‘Red’ rims, and Wellgo pedals. The handlebars are Cinelli.

This is a very light bike, Vitus are a French bicycle tubing company, and this one is unique in that the tubes are glued together rather than welded, as it usually the case. Here’s more info on this bike. The 979 was made famous by Irish Cyclist Sean Kelly – here he is in the San Remo – Milan race.

Links on Friday

– Riding the Tour De France prologue route – this would be cool. The Tour’s prologue section is in London this year, starting on the 7th of July, so set the alarms to see the riders caning it past Big Ben, the London Eye, that pub you spewed outside that time, etc. Typically, there will be a drug-related bans before it starts, including the cartoon villain-like blackshirts
– Boris Becker, 12 – a typically committed shot from the broom cupboard bandito
– Crappy movie corner – trailer for Kevin Costner’s The Postman – and an entertaining write up. Make no mistake, team, this is crap of the highest quality, and hard on the heels of Waterworld, too
– Dur – DAH-DAHHHHHHH! – the most sinister rodent you’re going to see on a second-rate sports blog today

More ABs call for food ideas

SRNZPA: Following Ali Williams’ call for soup recipes as he recovers from a broken jaw, more All Blacks are jumping on the culinary bandwagon.

Jerry Collins is now asking for the public’s tips on preparing raw meat, while Anton Oliver is looking for ideas to enhance his risottos. Steve Hanson is not too bothered generally, as everything he eats is smothered in “shitloads of tomato sauce. WATTIES tomato sauce”.

Links on Friday

– This is what we’ll be missing now Ali’s broken his jaw:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BErv0fci9c]
This clip comes with a typically confused piece of Mexted commentary: “But it wasn’t a punch, Tony, I was watching off camera… oooh, he DID punch him… he did land it”. I’m convinced Muzza has absolutely no idea he’s on TV
– Dimitar Berbatov’s top three goals – courtesy of Soccer AM. If your name is Alex Ferguson, Arsene Wenger or Jose Mourinho, MITTS OFF!
– Love Tetris? Got dreams of being a pixelated block? – This is the Japanese gameshow for you
– Great Sgt. Pepper’s article – the ‘greatest album ever’ turned 40 a coupla weeks ago. For me, you can’t go past Abbey Road. Or Revolver. Or Rubber Soul, even. Ah feck it, ALL the Beatles’ albums are pretty shit hot, even when they let Ringo sing one

French coach Laporte has tense exchange with IT helpdesk worker


SRNZPA: It was revealed today that French Rugby coach Bernard Laporte had heated words with Wellington IT helpdesk worker Matt Coppins early on Saturday afternoon. Coppins, a student working part time at the City Life Hotel to support his studies, felt threatened and professionally undermined by Laporte’s tirade. “He was having trouble connecting to the Internet. I came up to his room to help, and he got all worked up and that. He kept smacking his his laptop and going ‘Tres slow! Tres slow!’ I couldn’t get a word in.” said Coppins. “It wasn’t the connection, it was his PC. I asked him if he’d run AdAware or defragged lately, but he didn’t want to know.”

The incident soon got personal, as Laporte lambasted Coppins’ performance. “Même John Connolly est moins retardé que vous!” was just one of the insults that quickly saw the air turn blue. “He had a lot of sand in his vagina alright, going ‘I’ll finish you, tu est sheeet-for-brains kiwi mother-fucker!’ or some shit. He was being a real wanker about it, but that’s cool, bro, he’ll feel bad about it when he wakes up tomorrow, for sure.”

Coppins was keen to downplay the incident, saying it was all part of the job. “People want their PCs to work, sometimes they just take it out on the helpdesk guy.” Upon finishing his shift, Coppins went straight home to stick the knives on before watching the All Blacks cane Laporte’s France side from the couch of his Mount Victoria flat. “It was pretty sweet, the guy’s a total cock rash.” said Coppins.

Coppins’ manager, City Life Hotel IT Helpdesk Supervisor Jon Higgins is backing his man 100%. “Matt might be a lazy student layabout, but he knows his way around a PC alright. Probably because of all the porn he looks at”. Higgins wouldn’t comment specifically on the incident, saying his views would be made clear in a damning report to hotel management.