Links on Friday

Don’t think this guy really gets what batting’s all about. Hitting the ball and that. You can see him thinking ‘F**king YOUTUBE’ on the way back to the shed.

Six classic footballs. Tango = 1982 = undisputed champ

Arsenal 4 v Spurs 4 fanzone commentators. They got too excited at the start and left themselves nowhere to go, really.

Sean of the Dead‘s Simon Pegg on Why Zombies Shouldn’t Run, He’s writing about E4’s Dead Set *opens torrent*.

Regarding my ‘Official All Black Grand Slam Tour Blogger’ contract

I’m rapt to be the ‘Official All Black Grand Slam Tour Blogger in association with Warehouse Stationary’. Never in my wildest did I think my sporadic, barely literate farking around on the net would earn a six figure, one month gig. It’s a dream, etc etc.

However. This contract. We’ve got some show stoppers. Rats and mice, like the ‘turning up drunk’ and ‘punch Stu Wilson hard in the face’ clauses are missing. I’m surprised, but it doesn’t matter. I’d like to nut through the biggies now though, if we can.

First off, we’re not getting underway in the mornings ’til after 9.30. When I worked in London it was like 9.30. Later, if there’s tube problems. They’re always breaking down eh, you can’t control when you show up. And it’s not your fault.

Also, I’ll need Adidas socks, pants, shorts, shoes ( I like the old school ones, but I’ll take running shoes and sandals, too), caps, boxers, briefs, tees, sweatshirts, fleeces, coats, scarves, bags, beanies, wrist and headbands, and pens. ALL that shit’s necessary. You want good blogging, don’t you?  I’ll Trade Me it after, though, the stuff I don’t keep ’til it’s priceless. It all needs to be signed by everyone, too.

This ‘minimum daily word count’ is coming straight out. Blogging’s not like Rugby. You can’t measure it. I might do a three word post when we play England. And that’ll be blogging gold. I might do three words for the whole TOUR, and that would be enough. ‘Minimum word count’. You guys might have ruined the whole thing already.

Let’s talk PR. We’ll need some night club shenanigans, fighting in Wales, spewing in Dublin, All Black Booze Shocker, Our Papparazzi Shame, Whoops Misses Mind My Jock Strap, that kind of thing. Pommy tabs lap that shit up. Great publicity. The handbag really helped Tana, everyone knows who he is now. Maybe we could do something to Clive Woodward, or his house, that’d go over great back home.

We’re close on that contract now. Good meeting guys. Just so you know, when we get there I’ll chuck a sickie for a couple of days, catch up with some old mates. Just pick me up from The Snakebite & Firken in Willesden Green. Bring a car big enough for nine people? Ta.

Links on Friday

You don’t want to mess with new Spurs supremo ‘Arry Redknapp. You can SEE his brain working.

Is your cat a little too comfortable helping himself in the kitchen? You need Blender Defender. I’m thinking about getting one in the office for anyone trying to nick me pens.

Goes like a strangled fart.

I think when you walk home tonight, there’ll be a rather embarrassed silence.

sportreview.net.nz guide to New Zealand sport fans

Rugby Cricket Netball League
Match day

Match itself dreadful bore, but networking top class

Behind the bowlers’ arm or listening to Radio Sport in the bar
You can GO to a game? No way! Waving a big flag  and being there each and every largely unrewarded week
Eating and drinking Buffet left a little to be desired, must have a word to PA on Monday
Off season spent on piss smuggling strategies Milo, mostly, with the odd family sized Milky Bar Big bitter, salty tears of disappointment
Showing support Blues and All Black scarfs kept in boot of the Jag Agonising sunburn and patchy nightclub eviction record Ruth Aitken embossed dinner trays Queues overnight for all matches, sell out or not
Patron saint Colin Meads – so rustic and charming to talk to
Chris Cairns, Adam Parore, or anyone with a bad attitude
Lois Muir. Or Jo Seager The Mad Butcher
TV Good god, no Usually catches highlights on clubhouse big screen, where you’ve been sleeping rough after Cheryl got house and kids, the bitch

Slightly perturbed at missing Coro, but TV’s set to ONE permanently as it is, Mittens ate the jolly remote years ago Away matches at Workingman’s club. Better win / loss record in meat pack raffle than Warriors in NRL

Links on Friday

One flicker of Colin Meads’ eyebrows would shut this crappy blog down for good. This is what happens when you take him on.

What does a Spurs fan do after he sees his team win? Turns off the Xbox. Hilarious. Just you wait, fuckers.

Yuppies think they’re so smart. But now the stock market poked and their cars are turning on them.

I could play Stairway To Heaven when I was 12. Jimmy Page didn’t actually write it until he was 22.