NEWSDESK: All Black utility Sonny Bill Williams claimed the NZ Beating Up Useless Guys belt in Hamilton last night, when he beat Clarence Tillman III, who despite a strong showing at the weigh in, turned out to be useless. Tillman, who does not have his own Wikipedia page, put up less resistance than a cheeseboard and lost the bout in the first round. “There won’t be a retired ex-boxer working as a takeaway chef or service station attendant that isn’t shaking in his boots now,” said Williams’ agent Khoder Nasser.
“Anyone wanna take on Sonny Bill, yeah, I’ll fuck you up, son,” said Williams, who later clarified that potential opponents with boxing experience would not be considered, but he was more than happy to accommodate fucking up non-boxers at any time, in any location. Potential opponents for Williams’ next fights include a one-armed taxi driver Nasser sourced at the airport, or the taxi driver’s thirteen year old nephew.
NEWSDESK: Top Kiwi heavyweights David Tua and Shane Cameron will go toe to toe in the car park of Hamilton’s Troppoz night spot in November. Originally scheduled for Waikato Stadium, then Mystery Creek, the 12 round fight now takes place in a roped off section of the 60 car capacity parking facility. “We’ve hosted a number of fights in our car park” said proprietor Greg Baartowel. “Ohaupo 2nd XV versus the cops in ’93 springs to mind.”