Black Caps add the wind to second test squad

NEWSDESK: In an unexpected move, New Zealand have bought the wind into the squad for Hamilton’s second test against Australia. “You have to take advantage of the home conditions – well we’re going to have the conditions in our playing XI,” captain Dan Vettori told a stunned press conference, slowly tapping his temple. “The wind’s form in Wellington impressed us, we’re certain it can do a job for us in Hamilton, being bowled into, blowing people’s hats off, getting in the Australian’s heads… we don’t see the wind carrying the drinks, put it that way.”

By ICC rules, countries are free to pick any weather patterns they choose; “Wind is an important factor in any international dressing room, and particularly in the county scene – this selection reminds me of when Inzamam Ul-Haq tried to select a breakfast buffet for Pakistan, but passport problems put the kibosh on it, what,” said ICC spokesman Harvey Spill-Blazer.

“We see the wind as a specialist fielder,” said coach Mark Greatbach, “I haven’t seen it bowl yet, but I reckon it’ll have a ding-dong batttle with Chris Martin for the number 11 batting slot.”

I am a Dropkick

Not content with blogging on this site like a jockey attempting CPR on a horse with a whip, I’m also bringing down the tone on The Dropkicks, a bad-ass NZ sport site. I’ll be doing a write up on the Chiefs every week during the Super 14, challenging me to improve my sport blogging by *actually watching the games*. It’s the kind of thing that could revolutionise this site. Ah har. Here’s week two and week three, go nuts.

New sportreview t-shirt

Ever entrepreneurial, sportreview.net.nz is looking to expand the range of t-shirts we offer. As a nation, I think we can all agree that the Black Caps’ success relies solely on captain, selector and coach Dan Vettori being handed MORE responsibilty for the team. Not less – more. Immediately. Imagine a whole ASB stand or bank at the Basin kitted out in these. Expressions of interest the comments.

Reading list – Game Changers: How Videogames Trained a Generation of Athletes

Wired magazine on how video games are changing the game:

Then Brandon Stokley snagged the ball on the play that would soon be dubbed the Immaculate Deflection and pulled his astonishing did-you-see-that Maddenball maneuver. Donny Moore, an EA designer who was sitting to Madden’s left, leaped to his feet. “That’s what happens in the game!” he screamed, ecstatic.

Other examples include Jonah Lomu playing a lot of Jonah Lomu Rugby, Shane Warne’s addiction to Leisure Suit Larry, and the NRL playing roster’s re-enactment of Grand Theft Auto most Sunday nights.

A Crusaders fan with no interest in Cricket on the Bangladesh series

“…and then Toddy said to me ‘OK mate, I’ve signed your arm, now get out of my bathroom…

“What’s that mate? Bangladesh? Yep, it’s a strip club, we were headed there for Dirk’s stag, but I got into a fight in KFC and spent the night in a cell. Nicked all their bog roll, though.

“What? Cricket? Bangladesh? It’s a country? Key the Falcon, never heard of it. They any good? Useless? Yip. If the Black Caps can beat em they must be as handy as four Swiss army knives in your arse.

“I’ll tell you the problem with Cricket – Cricketers are farkin soft. You’re meant to spend summer in The Sounds drinking piss with a broken arm, not getting grass stains out of your trousers. I bet those Cricket shit heels haven’t even been on a Jet-Ski.

“I mean the AUSSIES are good at Cricket. Aussies. We gave them Robbie Farkin Deans and they can’t even get a decent Rugby team together. That’s about as wrong as taking your missus to the trots. We could sort the Black Caps out with Robbie, a bottle of Coruba and a locked room.

“Have I watched any of the games? I’d rather try and shave my back. Julie Seymour could be wandering around in her undies at fine leg, and I’d only flick over during the ads.

“We done? Good.

“…anyway, I farkin wish I hadn’t drawn Stephen Brett on me Drizabone in Vivid…”