Month: August 2008

Stu Wilson answers his email

To: sturulz_ohyeah@hotmail.com
From: pastagirler@klsi.com
Subject: Just got this web-cam and I can’t help stripping
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To: pastagirler@klsi.com
Subject: Re: Just got this web-cam and I can’t help stripping
Got your email. I don’t know how you got my address (did the Reunion boys send it?).

Now I don’t have trouble meeting women. I’ve had my fair share. All Black tours. Shield challenges. Liquor discounters. Rug clearance events. You name it.

These women are definitely single, right? For definite. Not married. Not separated. Not taking time out. Not just got into Levin for a Hen’s weekend. You can guarantee this in writing?

I’ve just read your email again. Fuck it, count me in.

To: sturulz_ohyeah@hotmail.com
From: “Future ” <sctkdryqxafhs@yahoo.com>
Subject: Find Fast & Easy Loan Program ! Dear , yahoo.com User!!
You have been pre-approved for Home Loan at Fixed Rate.
This offer is being extended to you unconditionally and we will work with you regardless your credit.

To take Advantage of this Limited Time opportunity all we ask is that you visit our Website and complete the 1 minute post Approval Form.

Best Regards,
Patrick
Endorsement Assistant

To: “Future ” <sctkdryqxafhs@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Find Fast & Easy Loan Program ! Dear , yahoo.com User!!
You guys are good. After Trentham, you could say I’m looking to invest. I might be interested.

Let’s get a few things straight, right from the start.  We don’t want any misunderstandings. I’ve been burned before.

First off, it’s only fair to warn you I drive a hard bargain. I’m not looking for a pissing contest. Well, maybe after a couple of scotches. Hahha hahah ahahaaaa.

Second, don’t judge a book by its cover. Only the very wealthy can afford to dress this way. That? That’s just a bit of egg. See? It’s gone.

Third. No lawyers. Fuck ’em with their ‘breaches’ and their ‘gross incompetence’ and ‘exceeded breath alcohol limits’. I don’t like clever dicks. It’s handshakes or I walk.

It’s up to you to get the ball in the line-out now. Make sure the boardroom cabinet’s got the good stuff.

To: sturulz_ohyeah@hotmail.com
From: luvipcidskfmfnxoomeslpksfwajjlkxwanndrsxrovcdjllew@等,商”.com
Subject: 成-人 用^品”情’趣”用,品`保^險`套·及-性’感 內.衣.等,商”品
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To: luvipcidskfmfnxoomeslpksfwajjlkxwanndrsxrovcdjllew@等,商”.com
Subject: Re:
You must be more pissed than me right now!

Seriously, let me know what you want.

League commentator actually shuts up for 5 seconds

SRPA: The Rugby League world was rocked today by 5 seconds of silence from Brisbane Rugby League commentator Dickie “Barracuda” McDagstead. A full 5 seconds’ silence went to air on McDagstead’s watch during the weekend’s Roosters v Broncos match, each second a bombshell to the heart of the proud winter code.

League fans wasted no time lighting up talkback switchboards in disgust. “I had no idea if this encounter was bruising, epic, or just plain huge.” said Broncos fan “Stumpy” Hodges, speaking from the East Brisbane RSL. “I mean, there were things happening, and they weren’t being described in unnecessarily intricate detail. Where was the big call? Where? I’ve never been so scared”.

Retired commentary great Roy “Boomer” Stretchtrouser lamented the modern commentator’s lack of standards, pointing to his 53 year career of uninterrupted incomprehensible drivel. “This Wouldn’t Have Happened in My Day. I Was Being Shelled By Japanese Subs Moored In Sydney Harbor, And Still Shouted ‘Jenkins-Barrington’ 34 Times During A Runaway Intercept Try. These Cowboys Today Have No Idea.”

McDagstead, who may be in breach of his contract with Channel 9, apologised immediately, admitting a dropped sausage roll played a key role in Silencegate. “I Took My Eye Off The Ball” said McDagstead. “Ohhhhhhhhhhh, It’s A Tragedy.”