Mark, Mark, Mark…


A Waikato University study has found Mark Ellis reinforces traditional male chauvinist attitudes to women. I’ve found that most of the time he reinforces being a cock.

Depressingly, every third NZ male wants to be Mark Ellis. Here’s how:
1. Make sure you went to Otago Uni in the early 90’s. Sorry, ‘Tago.
2. Get naked a lot and run really fast. It doesn’t matter where, but make sure you get it on tape.
3. Have a troupe of no-names tagging along to laugh at everything you do as though their lives depend on it. See also: Knoxville, Johnny.
4. Spend your journey to work working on your eyebrow raises.
5. Go on TV drunk, that shit is HALARIOUS.
6. Make some extremely unusual choices with your facial hair and clothing.
7. For a signature move, say something unintelligable and then clench your jaw, combined with the eyebrow raise. Don’t say anything after that. The public laps that shit right up.
8. Don’t be as clever, or as good a bloke, as Ric Salizzo.
9. Interestingly, take drugs with all your celebrity mates.
10. Go to league and be shit.

Arsenal v Barca thoughts



Yep it was time to dust off the duvet for another Champs League final – although the muppets on Radio Sport reckoned there were 100 or so fans in The Blue Stone Room at 6 this morning. Here’s the thoughts from the couch before all that coffee wears off.

– The ref should have left Lehmenn on and let the goal stand. I bet he felt stupid for blowing hastily, and a real shame for the neutrals to have an 11 v 10 match with 20 minutes gone.
– Spurs fans everywhere obviously delighted for big Sol to score in big match after having goal disallowed in WC 98. *Sarcasm detector goes nuts and eventually explodes. Smoke everywhere*
– Ronaldinho disappointing – more flicks than a 1st XV shower room but no end product at all. Great smile though.
– Henry never recovered from THAT miss in the third minute. He spent the last half not running at all, and arguing with Wenger. He’d be farking frustrating to play with – he only makes runs for himself.
– From Spurs point of view – still have the same number of European Cups as the Arse.
– From Arse point of view – must keep Henry, even if he’s crap in the big games.
– As for the theory that UK football fans should support UK teams in finals – I cheered on Arsenal in the 93 Cup Winners Cup final – only to see Arse fans singing ‘Are you watching Tottenham?’ in the celebrations. Bollocks to ’em.
– Blogger’s spellcheck suggestion for Ronaldinho is ‘Remolding’. Honestly.

Update: Video highlights of the match from N17.

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Hello. I love you.


So. The big kick off is only a couple of weeks away, and now Tottenham have:

– Edgar Davids.

– England’s best goalkeeper.

– Englands’ best young centre back.

– FOUR strikers. Count ’em, four.

– Several England and Ireland under 21s, including Wayne Routledge and Tom Huddlestone, who are meant to be a bit special.

– Martin Jol. He’s good. No talk of Arsenal background or faith healers. He seems like he’s been there for years when he talks about the Spurs tradition of attractive football. And he’s building quite a squad. His next challenge is to mould a team.

– Michael Carrick, a very Spurs player in that he can pass, can’t tackle and won’t get picked for England as much as he deserves (Sheringham, Hoddle, Anderton, Barmby, Waddle).

– Average age of first team squad – really young, like 24.

– It seems like we’ve got at least two decent players in every position.

So. Can I get excited yet?

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