Nursey! I like it firm and fruity! Gives me something to hang on to! Woof!

I heard quite an amusing story myself the other day.

Drink is urine for the last leper in hell.

Me and the family are off to Sydney for a few days next week, we’ve got the Aquarium, the Zoo and the Powerhouse Museum on the list.

But what should I be checking out sport-wise? All advice, tips, links and cycle shop tips gratefully accepted.

Remove the Apple Pie. And remove yourself from the theatre of conflict.

After a decent Links on Friday sesh, why not prop up the bar with a few ladyboys? You mentalist.

It’s a great model, it goes like a bomb… and the car’s not bad either!

Dan!

The No-Stats All-Star – Michael Lewis, NYT

Lance Armstrong Rides Again – Douglas Brinkley, Vanity Fair

The pain of pedal power – Simon Scardifield, The Times

‘Happiness was defined by the moment when you slotted a Subbuteo football past your best friend’s goalkeeper’ – Extracts of Graham Taylor and David Baddiel’s Subbuteo reminiscences, The Guardian

Sex, drugs and shoulder pads – The unbelievable story of the implosion of the Dallas Cowboys – Jeff Pearlman, The Observer

Non sport: Playing The Beatles Backwards: The Ultimate Countdown – Jamsbio

This is like one of those ACC ads. For God’s Sake, Don’t Go To The Football And Fall Asleep. YOU WILL BREAK YOUR FACE!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Gannets, seals, dolphins and frickin’ sharks all gang up on a bunch of sardines. *Spoiler* – the sardines lose.

‘The horror… the horror…’ ‘Bit of a late night, was it?‘

Bond girls exposed.

These Beez guys have either discovered a new paradigm shift in the skateboard arena with their blue sky thinking – or they’re just really really high.

Can someone clean that shit away, please?

Football’s Jonathan Kaplan. Double yellow IS a pretty sweet move, I have to say.

The eight most underrated muppets. I’m a lefty man, myself.

Never throw water on a fat fire. It’ll take your face off.

Great sporting losers – All Blacks feature, as do the 1999 Safas. But Brazil 1982 – here they are taking Ray Woolf’s All Whites to bits in a leisurely fashion.

RIP Paul Newman – not only is he a decent pool player, but he had a Volvo station wagon with a frickin’ V8 in it, too.

If you take on the Killeroo you will get your face eaten off.

I bet these real life Quiddich players were beaten up a lot at school. And running around with a broom between your legs? Someone’s on for a nasty injury, mark my words.

Zombie Harmony is one of the best undead dating sites on the web.

Rangas deserve everything they get.

“Zombies cannot run – so if you see a person running at you, it’s not a zombie. DON’T shoot him. Give him a high-five.” “You’re blocking one of your own guys out there!” “He doesn’t matter, my safety is more important than his.” This is all invaluable zombie-infestation survival advice, team.

Here’s how to make a single speed hipster bike.

Do I not like that – insane, foul mouthed England football coach doco.