Rugby World Cup
As a nation, New Zealand did the vacuuming, put the sausage rolls in the oven and hosted the rugby world simply and well, despite the haters and grandstanding, which became less and less important as we went. As for the rugby – well, we bloody won it, didn’t we? Two months on, you only have to show me Graham Henry’s post-final-win-eyebrow gymnastics or Richie McCaw being eye-gouged and I’m glowing like those folk in Cocoon.

Beating the Aussies
After a world cup (remember that) where we did our lose-in-the-semi thing, That First Win In Australia Since Ever was an epic of fingernails on the floor. It was hard to know what kind of NZ cricket team we had post-captaincy switch (alright, it’s ALWAYS hard to know what kind of team we have), but the Tasmanian fightback showed we had some real heart – and hope for the future. Bring on the South Africans.

Super Tottenham
I haven’t mentioned them much on the site, for fear of jinxing them. After missing out narrowly last time, Spurs are quietly having a brilliant season and look very much at home in the top four. Ask me more about how it’s going after we beat Chelsea this morning.

Le Tour
One of the best and worst I’ve seen – worst because of the first week crashes that took Wiggins et al out – best because of the slow burning drama and eventual, worthy winner. Cadel deserved his win for the way he rode, and the way he’s ridden over the last few years. He won’t do it again though, and I hope for a few more fireworks next year. It’s been a fantastic year for NZ’s cyclists also, the folding of Pure Black Racing aside – hoping for a big medal haul on the track in London next year too.

Man of the year
Well, who do you reckon? Stephen Donald is a bigger folk hero than Bob Dylan, his journey from whitebaiting to world cup winner was more beautiful than an unattended burger restaurant. The whole country got the Beaver fever and I couldn’t have been more pleased. Here he is resting on the beach or my little tribute.

sportreview.net.nz highlights
A new daughter, other family stuff and employment related madness meant I’ve not been able to give as much care and attention to the site as I’d like – but I’m still proud of how it’s gone this year. I’ve done some of my favourite rugby writing ever on the back of the world cup, with the brouhaha over the jerseys beforehand, and the nervousness against Argentina, beating Australia in the semi, the final the highlights for me. Drinking was a reoccurring theme over the year, with the All Black selectors getting drunk and this little number about alcohol abuse in the north of England.

Twitter, obviously, is where all the former sports bloggers are hanging out these days – and most of the athletes. It’s possible to go from abusing someone on the field to abusing them on the internet in no time nowadays. Two twitter related posts: for the cricket and for the rugby. I love Powerpoint (even thought it was a slow year for sportreview cartoons) and loved this.

Of course, most thanks go to you, mysterious readers. This site is obviously a little labour of love, I do it for no other reason than I enjoy it thoroughly. sportreview.net.nz is the kind of crappy NZ sports blog I would like to read if this one didn’t exit – it’s extremely heartening to know others enjoy it too. Thanks, appreciate it.

Other stuff:

My top five listened to songs, from last.fm:
1. Harry Nilsson – Lullaby In Ragtime
2. Robyn – Dancing On My Own
3. Robyn – Indestructible
4. Joni Mitchell – Car on a Hill
4. Harry Nilsson – Always

I’ve done bugger-all film watching or reading this year. Drive was the best (only?) (current) film I saw at the cinema, and I’m working my way through Peter Guralnick’s Elvis Bios. TV wise, I’ve really got into Game Of Thrones, Breaking Bad and Community. I’ve also thoroughly enjoyed the Discourse NZ podcast. All recommended.

Wishing you a happy and more settled 2012 – see you next year!

 Photos:

Me and Dan. I told him how gutted I was for him, but also how stoked I was for Stephen Donald.

Best rugby ground in NZ, still. Tremendous atmosphere for all three matches I went to there.

Eden Park felt like a proper international stadium during the RWC. Let’s hope they keep those temporary stands somewhere handy.

Future Tour de France champ.

From the team hotel, walk just a few blocks towards the Tasman bridge and you’ll suddenly be out of the city and amongst greenery and trees on the Domain. There’s parrots in the trees, a reasonably priced cafe, and plenty of room to stretch the hammies and forget all about cricketers with the ability to run pain-free and the “how’s that!” and the “how’s the leg?” Fuck those guys.

From there, it’s a short walk to Sullivan’s Cove, and the sights and sounds of the docks. The shipping activity and the colourful characters means great people watching, and the chance to just melt into the crowd and be just another guy with a beard and a sad, sad story. I had a great night sampling 19 or so of the local whiskeys, and singing sea shanties with fishermen in the streets. They loved my ‘Quint from Jaws’ impression!

The day after, I recommend getting up early and exploring the streetlife and cafe scene of Salamanca. The Machine Laundry Cafe does a fantastic Eggs Benne, the service is fast and friendly and a bit slow on the uptake spotting the old ‘mini bar vodka in the tomato juice’ trick, happy days! I spent a very happy morning there trying not to look at cricinfo on my phone.

Don’t miss the Cadbury Chocolate Factory, with a fascinating tour. You can learn about how your favourite chocolate bars are made. The staff are knowledgeable and friendly, and know how to handle a weeping professional athlete on a self-destructive Violet Crumble eating binge with both professionalism and understanding. Visitors also receive a chocolate treat.

I’d recommend Hobart as a relaxing place to visit – aimlessly walking about a strange city for five days was a great way to deaden the pain of being injured while NZ won our first test on Australian soil since 1985. Hobart’s charms and character meant I could forget about those niggling concerns that the selectors reckon a four seam attack is the way to go long term for the moment. Happy travels everyone!

“The guys needed to talk about what went wrong and take responsibility for the defeat,” said Wright. “They didn’t even take responsibility for talking about cricket for 25 minutes.”

Captain Ross Taylor said “The boys were pretty upset after the match, and had a lot to get off their chests. Then Marty reckoned the internet reckoned we should work on our hand-eye co-ordination, so we plugged in the XBox. We made Dan take a break after a while, he was shooting his own guys in the face the whole time and laughing really, really loudly. Apart from that, it was good.”

Other Black Caps news:

Opener Brendan McCallum requested to be dropped off the team bus a few hundred metres from the ground, saying nothing was wrong, but he just wanted to walk the last bit by himself.

Taylor’s experimental running-between-wickets ‘Yeah, nah’ call has been abandoned.

Sportsfreak has a petition going to keep domestic cricket on Radio Sport over the summer. It is your duty to support this fine initiative – one day, you’re not going to be able to put off painting that deck any longer. Do YOU want to listen to Des from Whanganui’s stream of conciousness talkback on why we should have lost the RWC while you do it? I farkin’ don’t. Support cricket, sign up.

“But don’t the writers write to the level of the fans? “Sports fans here are pretty well informed. I think they would appreciate a greater sense of journey being brought to describing sports events. They don’t start at two o’clock at kick-off. They start days beforehand.” – Tim Wilson on NZ sport writing via Quote Unquote

Long read from Wired about the new America’s Cup catamarans, and testing them on the Hauraki Gulf. Looks like the next regatta will be the yachting equivalent of playing T20 cricket on crystal meth, inside a Ferrari driven at high speed. Masochistically, I’ll kind of miss the maddeningly-slow tension build up, Dennis Conner and the lawyers.

The Premiership has gone goal crazy, with freak results every weekend – it’s going to be a great year, I look forward to Man City pulling off a Newcastle style collapse and Alex Fergusson finally exploding from stress, they look to be the obvious highlights. Meanwhile, seven Tottenham wins on the trot. I like it.

Shark pool!

As a leader of men, Taylor doesn’t seem the most natural, more Kim Hughes than Steve Waugh. Going for the softly-spoken, lead-by-slogging-everything-to-square-leg Taylor, as opposed to the confident, lead-by-telling-everyone-what-to-fucking-do McCullum, the Black Caps are handing even more power to coach John Wright. He’s our guy though, and he deserves a decent go – let’s see what happens.

New Black Caps captain Ross Taylor remembers mid-presser that he’d forgotten to change his bizarre-arse Twitter avatar

TV One took the chance to rake some mud, in one of the crappiest pieces of journalism in a long time according to Twitter’s Richard Boock (I agree). Reporter Anthony Stevens told shocked TV One viewers killing time until Coro comes on that Brendon McCullum was part of the Black Caps’ ‘drinking’ ‘culture’, ‘enjoyed’ by 70% of the team and that the pisshead faction wanted McCullum as captain. I bet they do – after all, it’s every young Kiwi male’s dream to one day grow up to be a Black Cap and spend long rainy days on tour in the subcontinent drinking duty free Tia Maria and playing cards. What effect the puritanical Taylor will have on this out of control alcohol abuse is unknown – maybe they’ll just  play cricket better and that. Imagine.

Everyone’s next question was ‘who’s going to be vice-captain? Brendon McCullum was no-where to be seen, texting the TV One reporter that he needed time to collect his thoughts. If we don’t take the obvious candidate, maybe we should cast the net wider – really get some Bracewell-style outside the box thinking going.

Anyway. In rugby, the Hurricanes two signed off in a fitting manner – Nonu, criticised for his tendency to pick up yellow cards, put in a heavy should charge on Dan Carter, while Hore, criticised for his drinking, drank a beer on the field. Right.

And sportreview favourite Stephen Donald has been put out of his All Black misery, clearing the way for a one way ticket to England. Henry said: “Difficult obviously because he’s been a very positive member of that group for some time. He’s a great guy to have in the team. Hugely well organised at training. We just think there are other people playing better right now.” Fair enough – go well Stephen.

Parore, who once referred to himself as a brand, completed the 8848m ascent on Friday, no doubt thinking all the while about getting back to his trim decaf Lattés and Range Rover he left double parked on Ponsonby Road.

“My goals have always been to criticise Jesse Ryder’s weight in the national press and climb Everest, so it’s great to have knocked those bastards off,” said Parore, from the Kathmandu airport Koru Lounge.

The Crack Fox is possibly my second favourite fox. After Basil Brush.

News guy forgets he’s on the telly, tells weather guy to keep fucking that chicken. That’s great news guy-ing. He had to say sorry.

This film The Beaver is pretty much what I imagine happens to Graeme Smith between world cups.

The Black Caps showed they were prepared to win ugly; make no mistake, this was an ugly win, possibly up to full Ricky level on the sportreview.net.nz Ugly-ometer:

Ugly scales up from L-R

For this match, sportreview.net.nz made the rare effort to actually review some sport, sacrificing time that could have been spent unconscious to stay awake and watch the entire Black Caps innings. Bono would have done a better job of opening the batting than McCullum in this match – our new tactic of building a platform for wickets-in-hand fireworks later in the innings means McCullum now bats at entirely the wrong end of the line up – sort it out! Taylor and Ryder played it safe to get us a reasonable total, but traditional one day tactics dictate the  ‘accumulation’ period usually lasts between overs 18 and 35. New Zealand’s accumulation period may be still going – it was an innings best described as ‘gelatinous’, but, on a pitch more dry and dusty than 48 hours in a Koru Lounge with Phil Goff, it would do. Then this happened:

In the cricketing equivalent of that Australian schoolkid chucking that bully about, the Black Caps surrounded Du Plessis, who’d just run out the competent De Villiers like schoolboys around a well worn copy of Playboy to let him know he’d fucked up, if he hadn’t worked it out already. The ensuing fracas lead to fines and bad examples for youngsters watching. Let’s have a look at the Black Caps’ crimes in slow motion:

Stryris and Vettori attempt to manoeuvre Du Plessis into training ground set-piece move ‘Black Cap sandwich’. 12th man Kyle Mills, who was just passing by, helpfully offers the South African a drink. Of choke-a-cola.

Du Plessis shoves Mills, in the process setting the game back years in the vital USA market, because nothing looks as ‘wussy’ as when cricketers fight, not even cyclists. Vettori tries to rescue the situation by telling Du Plessis to use his bat at least.

Ross Taylor, in his role as aspirant captain comes in to show his angry face to precisely zero effect, while Southee shows his growing maturity by clapping in an insincere manner. A garden gnome (in red) tries to restore order.

Styris and Du Plessis are nominated to kiss and make up on behalf of the sides by their captains, and play resumes.

Did the Safas choke? Well, a little bit. Maybe. But, they came up against a New Zealand team that discovered their self belief down the back of the couch, and used it to turn the heat on South Africa like Gordon Ramsay with a knife in each hand and sand in his undies; Stephen Fleming would have been proud.

For choking students, this match closely resembled the All Blacks’ loss to France in the 1999 rugby world cup semi final – decent team, handy lead, a few signs of life from the opposition, then folding like a cheap card table. Hard to take for the Proteas and to be honest, Kiwi sports fans should wait for the All Blacks’ next world cup performance (which is happening soon I hear) before throwing too much shit their way.

I was very pleased for Jacob Oram, who took some vital wickets and a stonking catch – he showed exactly how much we’ve missed him over the years, and how people who’ve criticised his place in the team are cocks.

Like much of the country I imagine, I went to bed after the first innings and awoke to a big surprise, roughly equivalent to a horse’s head in the bed. Considering our form going into this tournament, and the stumbles along the way, we can be very pleased with making the semis, especially as we knocked over a proper big team in the quarters to get there. Sri Lanka at home will be tough, but fuck it. Bring it on.

If you’ve made it this far, here’s more quarter final coverage, that’s better than what you’ve just read, to be honest:

The C-word – crucket.co.nz (check out the awesome comment on this post!)

Andy Bull’s Guardian sport blog

The Outside Edge – still pinching myself