NEWSDESK: All Black hooker Andrew Hore has been given permission by the NZRFU to participate in one or more fights in or around his local hotel The Drencher’s Arms over the Christmas / New Year period. Hore, who has a record of 23 and 18 in bouts where security staff did not intervene, told reporters he was “excited by the challenge” and “ready to punch snot out of some wanker.”
While his opponent is likely to be identified only at the very last minute, Hore has expressed his preference to fight someone from Auckland. The undercard features super rugby mascot Captain Hurricane versus 20 lucky schoolchildren, and Tim ‘Skinny ‘ Clearasil’s yard glass attempt.
NEWSDESK: Eyewitnesses said last night’s square off between ex-international cricketers Ian Botham and Ian Chappell was “a real let-down” and “gravely embarrassing” for both participants. Chappell, 67, reportedly sparked the fracas by insulting Botham, 55, in the Adelaide Oval carpark at the close of day’s play. “All I could hear was panting. I actually feared for my hearing,” said a bystander. “Two out of shape slugs having it out over a piece of lettuce would have been a more absorbing spectacle.”
Botham and Chappell last came to blows during an Ashes series in 1977, when both men were far more accustomed to physical exertion. “I wish I’d seen that one,” said a car park attendant. “Chappell had a lot of anger, but not much stamina. He just kind of fell over after a few seconds. At one stage Botham threatened him with some chutney he had in his man bag. Chutney. It’s a fight, not a feckin cheese board.”
In between turning himself into a one man Ashes multimedia empire the likes of which has Rupert Murdoch reaching for the adult diapers, JRod has released the third edition of The Cricket Sadists’ Quarterly. It features Mr Sporadic Sport Blog himself, yours truly, with a piece called ‘How to watch cricket on telly’:
Before you do ANYTHING, you need to draw the curtains. Cricket is a summer sport, and while sunshine is great for sunburn and your neighbor’s fucking vegetable garden, it’s only good for ruining the picture on match day. Block that shit out. Next, you need to turn your television’s sound right down and turn on the radio. Don’t worry that the pictures are generally 30 seconds behind and you spend the day always knowing what’s about to happen like a amateur clairvoyant – TV with radio is like mowing ‘I AM SERIOUS CRICKET FAN’ in your lawn. Plus you get a superior class of statistician on the wireless.
Buy the mag / download the mag. Get in there.