Far Canal

Ma’a Nonu has hit the headlines in the eye with a  dreadlock like a dancer at a Fat Freddie’s Drop concert, turning the airwaves blue after his team scraped past the Chiefs from ‘We were good last year’.

Nonu’s outburst has blown the lid off the Hurricanes’ rampant swearing culture, where groups of players meet midweek at each others’ homes to swear behind closed doors. This kind of thing happens during matches all the time, but has gone unreported up til now, due to the age old ‘what happens on the field stays on the fucking field’ Omertà. sportreview.net.nz can unveil Andrew Hore as the ring leader of the Hurricanes’ swearing ring:

Andrew Hore: “Fucking catch it or I’ll fucking waste you!”
Andrew Hore: “Charge down! In your fucking face!”
Colin Cooper’s fears this poor example will affect up and coming players has already been realised:
Aaron Cruden: “Stop tackling me. You fuckers.”
While this language is familiar to anyone who’s traveled on a bus with schoolchildren or pensioners, or spent any time socially with six o’clock news presenters, in cases like these, journalists must get outraged and demand fulsome apologies, despite using these words and worse while performing mundane tasks like  putting the cat out.

Handily for Nonu, the four days of headlines so far is golden publicity for his post rugby career – he aims to make the transition to stand up comedian with the stage name Ma’a ther-fucker. Ahem.

Another who’s made the leap from sport to comedy is Herald writer Chris Rattue, who, faced with the choice of writing a column about how he didn’t have any ideas for a column this week, or the warm familiar bubble bath and highball that is his favorite topic, Banging On About Robbie Deans, Chris chose BOARD. Kind of like his audience. Bored. These jokes write themselves some weeks.

Author: Richard Irvine

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1 thought on “Far Canal”

  1. Andrew Hore is an easy pick for king potty mouth, he would be a hoot at a book club evening or bridge

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