Cricket Sadist Monthly issue one out now

Issue one of Cricket Sadist Monthy, the latest horse’s head from the Cricket With Balls stable is available now, featuring this here site’s contribution, ‘Kiwi cricket heroes of the 80s, where are they now?’. Here’s a taste:

Ewan Chatfield
Chatfield’s weeknight current affairs show ‘Chats’ was the scourge of NZ politicians and business leaders for many years. His hard hitting interview style was modelled on his bowling, with a nagging line and length, wearing down his opponents until they made a silly mistake. Unfortunately, his personal life was much like his batting.

You can order the actual magazine or download a PDF if you just can’t wait.

Links on Friday: Spurs songs

Because Spurs Are On Their Way To Wembley, we feature Super Tottenham’s greatest musical moments eva.

Ossie’s Dream features a bewildered Argentinian trying to say Tottenham and failing at 1’55”

Glen n Chris channel Crockett n Tubbs. Badly.

Paul Gasgoine puts on the world’s dodgiest shell suit, rides about on a boat and winds up in the Bigg Market. All to sing a truely appalling song. These guys must be gutted.

Bonus – Gazza gives the best post match interview ever, not long after he did this.

Reading list

Jeremey Coney interview:

“I did get on the field in front of Bay 13 at the MCG. I can remember having an exchange with a hostile crowd down there. I did give some back – which was stupid. “Ah, look, we’ve got a young goose here, there’s only 35 shoplifting days to Christmas, Cornery,” they shouted. Then they started to throw marbles and they were pinking me on the back of my jersey. There must have been a hundred marbles around me and I thought I was going to roll an ankle. Then they started throwing pies when they ran out of marbles. And that attracted the birds. I had undulating ground underfoot and above, flying wildly around me, were birds swooping to attack these bits of meat. It was a disaster. And it was from that day on that I was solely a slip fielder.”

– Gideon Haigh’s sweet tribute to England’s Chris Tavere:

“As an ersatz opening batsman, Tavaré did not so much score runs as smuggle them out by stealth.”

How A $500 Craigslist Car Beat $400K Rally Racers:

“I once asked Bill why he insisted on going through every spectator section crossed up and with the engine banging off the limiter. “Dude,” he said, “I don’t care if it costs me a couple of tenths. It makes the fans go nuts.”

The top ten Roy Keane battles:

“The two had been grappling for an hour or so before McAteer responded to a Keane foul by miming writing motions, mere days after the midfielder had said he’d rather buy his son a Bob The Builder CD than Keane’s autobiography. Soon afterwards, they chased for a loose ball, Keane elbowed McAteer in the head, and off he trudged.”

Black Caps add the wind to second test squad

NEWSDESK: In an unexpected move, New Zealand have bought the wind into the squad for Hamilton’s second test against Australia. “You have to take advantage of the home conditions – well we’re going to have the conditions in our playing XI,” captain Dan Vettori told a stunned press conference, slowly tapping his temple. “The wind’s form in Wellington impressed us, we’re certain it can do a job for us in Hamilton, being bowled into, blowing people’s hats off, getting in the Australian’s heads… we don’t see the wind carrying the drinks, put it that way.”

By ICC rules, countries are free to pick any weather patterns they choose; “Wind is an important factor in any international dressing room, and particularly in the county scene – this selection reminds me of when Inzamam Ul-Haq tried to select a breakfast buffet for Pakistan, but passport problems put the kibosh on it, what,” said ICC spokesman Harvey Spill-Blazer.

“We see the wind as a specialist fielder,” said coach Mark Greatbach, “I haven’t seen it bowl yet, but I reckon it’ll have a ding-dong batttle with Chris Martin for the number 11 batting slot.”