Ryder in hot water after post-atomic blast rampage

NEWSDESK: Black Cap Jesse Ryder’s discipline was in question again this morning after allegations of a Godzilla-like rampage. On Friday night Ryder celebrated a win with team mates at a top South African nightspot. Early Saturday morning Ryder reportedly emerged from the Pacific in an atomic blast-fuelled homicidal rampage, causing massive loss of life and  flattening most of the Tokyo CBD before being driven back into the ocean by Japanese fighter planes.  Alcohol and deadly gamma rays could be factors in the incident.

It’s the latest in a succession of disciplinary misdemeanours. “Destroying Tokyo is obviously a worrying escalation for Jesse” said NZ Cricket Chief Justin Vaughan, before offering any support necessary: “The player’s obviously got problems with refuelling when he grows 30 times in height and flattens tens of thousands of people.”

Ryder’s team mates have expressed their surpise: “Jesse made it to his taxi alright” said fellow Black Cap and Bangalore Royal Ross Taylor. “He was in good form, he didn’t mention crushing anyone to death with his feet later on.”

The incident is not without precedent. Internet messageboards still connect the destruction of Sydney’s Western Suburbs by a large moth-like creature with Clive Woodward’s disappearance for a few hours following the 2003 World Cup final.