SRNZPA: Wellington resident John Soddentrouser dismissed the Phoenix fan club Yellow Fever as ‘johnny-come-latelies’, claiming to have supported the team since 1999. To Soddentrouser, following a football team that didn’t technically exist for many years is the mark of a true fan. “I was there home and away. Not my fault if they don’t play any games, is it? Where was everyone else? Lightweights.”
Soddentrouser, who lives alone, has thoroughly hated every second of the Phoenix’s debut season. Game day for him begins by drinking alone at a local Cosmopolitan Club, before arriving three hours early to be first in line for tickets. He reserves particular disdain for the merchandise stands, spluttering “I MADE MY OWN jersies. Made my own. There was no merchandise stand in my day. Shit.” Soddentrouser quietly seethes throughout the match, before leaving at half time to beat the traffic. “I don’t know why I bother, mate. “Where was this Yellow Fever shower in 2001? You wouldn’t catch those guys sitting alone in an empty stand for the afternoon like I did. They’re not real fans.”
The LA Galaxy match was the season’s low point for Soddentrouser. “Half of them couldn’t name a single Phoenix player – I was there when there were no players to name, mate. It’s just not the same anymore.” Soddentrouser announced he’d probably stop following the Phoenix at the end of the year and support the Nelson Backboards, a basketball team that would probably join an expanded Australian basketball league in “2013, maybe 2015.”