Utter devastation, woe for New Zealand Rugby as Dan Carter heads overseas

The very future of our national game plunged deep into the shit when it was revealed star first five Dan Carter is heading overseas. He joins the legions of players, including current All Blacks Chris Jack, Aaron Mauger and Byron Kelleher who are heading overseas, to take up the barely comprehensibly massive packages on offer to top players in this day and age. Rugby insiders say scouts from big spending clubs in England and France spend most of their time licking their lips at the prospect of getting their filthy hands on the All Blacks, often while drinking wine or warm beer.

New Zealand, a small green country at the end of the earth with only four million people whose spirit was forged from this rugged land with number eight wire ingenuity, cannot hope to retain their Weet-Bix raised top players on the puny Kiwi dollar. Carter’s news should see every single New Zealander, including Kiwis living offshore and those too young to fully understand, unable to sleep tonight.

Carter confirmed yesterday he was heading overseas: “Yeah, I’m going to South Africa for the Super 14 Semi and maybe the Final. I’ll be back there for the Tri Nations, and Aussie too. Then there’s the World Cup of course, which is in France. I may get one of those cheap deals to Fiji at the end of the year, we’ll see how it goes”.