SRNZPA: Ashburton resident Don MacFarlane has spoken out against 1977 Wisden Cricketer of the Year Viv Richards’ glowing assessment of New Zealand’s Cricket World Cup chances, claiming “They’ll still fuck it up from here”. Richards, who scored 8540 runs in his glittering test career was quoted today as saying “I like New Zealand’s approach, they’re quietly bubbling away, making no noise, and getting stronger by the day”. “Bullfarkinshit” said MacFarlane.
The Ashburton barber and Lions club member of 25 years poured scorn on Richard’s view that “You just get the feeling they’re peaking at the right time, and they’ve got all contingencies covered”. “He’s talking out his arse – the day the Black Caps win the World Cup is the day I run down the main drag with a bloody Blues jersey on. No way, mate.”
MacFarlane’s claims are based on historical precedents. “We had it on a plate in ’92. Playing at home on our pitches, with our crowds, we never had it better. We just need to put the foot on Pakistan’s throat, but it all turned to shit. 99? Farked it up. 2003? Farked it up.” said MacFarlane, who added this was “typical” and that the Black Caps were “a pack of farkin chokers”.
The former Shirley lock forward was equally scathing about former Australian Test Skipper Ian Chappell’s assessment that “only New Zealand has the skill and courage to challenge Australia in the World Cup cricket final”. “Whatever” retorted the South Island-based fuckwit. “That’s the biggest lot of shit I’ve ever heard”, adding “they’ll all be injured by the time we play a decent team, anyway.”