Newsflash – Bracewell calls for personality backup

SRNZPA: Black Caps coach John Bracewell has moved swiftly to bolster his squad’s personality by picking Napier hard case Colin Anderson, a specialist in pranking and high-jinks, to join the World Cup squad following Lou Vincent’s return home and uncertainty over Mark Gillespie’s shoulder.

“I don’t want to be caught in a situation where the utter lack of fun overwhelms the boys during the Super Eights” said Bracewell. “In the old days we had guys like Jerry Coney and Stephen Boock who’d tie Cairnsy’s shoes together or put a blue movie VHS in the Smash Palace box, but the current squad has no nutters at all. I was hoping Hamish Marshall’s hair would give the lads a laugh, but… nothing”.

Yesterday Colin Anderson was taking the piss out of his team mates in a Hawkes Bay Indoor Cricket team. Today he’s going to the World Cup. Addressing a hastily arranged press conference at Auckland International Airport, Anderson told reporters he was humbled by his last minute selection. “My feet have hardly touched the ground. To be honest, when Braces called I thought it was Boner having me on. I’ll have to say sorry to him for all the filthy language. And his Mum”.

“At 43, I’d almost given up on playing for New Zealand, but I’ve worked hard on my down-trous all winter, and I’m good squad cover cos I can do dirty jokes AND songs. Braces was obviously impressed by my 17.6 ear-ringing farts per bus trip. I’m gutted for Lou, but when these chances come along you have to grab them with both hands. I’m jumping out of my skin, it’s a dream come true, yeah”.

Anderson will join the squad in time for the mid-Super 8 “Vicars and Hoes” fancy dress party.