Down in Albion

Poor old England. Just when they were getting back in the series, they came out to bat on day five like Victor Meldrew trying to get a barman’s attention: “Do excuse me… dreadfully sorry, do you mind awfully if I… Blimey, whatever are you doing with my off stump, old chap?” and so on. Ten runs in ten overs is admitting defeat before they even got going – now the series is realistically gone, you’d have more luck getting Ian Chappell along to yoga than making a comeback.

The Aussies love winning, and it’s hard to see a way back against this all consuming Aussie tide of feel-good pom crushing fun for all the family, roared on by a commentary team more one eyed than the Toxic Avenger. Even the token pom Mark Nicholas has flipped, with unprovoked arse-lickery like “You have to admit the Australian’s bowling today has been top drawer”. (Where the F**K did that come from Mark? Are you in a cage with Bill Lawry’s pidgeons?) Coach Duncan Fletcher’s biggest mistake wasn’t his choice of spinner, it was winning the bloody thing last year.

Bonus link: The best of Warney. Not Safe For England Fans right now.